His Money, His Stuff, His World and Where Do You Fit? Abusive Relationships

She went snooping yet again in search of something that proves he was with another woman the night before, and she found it.  But what she didn't know, is that he was standing behind her, watching, the whole time she rumbled in his bag!  Uh oh...

His Money

When a woman agrees to be in a relationship where the man is footing the majority of the bill, she knows that she has to not only respect the head of house, but also the money as well.  She can't spend the money on whatever she wants, when she wants without asking her man permission.  This is why so many women make their own!  Some women don't like to hear such things, but when a man takes over the finances, there are typically rules that one follows just like if a woman was the bread-winner in the household.  However, in a world where women are abused every five seconds, money is scarce for many.  The man controls everything and if the woman rubs her moody partner the wrong way, she risks being put outdoors.  Just imagine, you clean your home, cook in it, take a bath in it, and do everything else, and then along comes someone telling you to, "Get out!"  Now what?

His Stuff

The controlling man who is sensitive over everything his family says and does, could leave--he could be the one to, "Get out!"  But do you think he will when he bought just about everything in the home?  Think again!  He knows how to charm his woman/wife back into his arms by making false promises when he realizes that leaving is not what he wants her to do.  However, when he is angered yet again about "my stuff" he is going to exercise control over his stuff!  "Don't move my stuff...leave my stuff alone...I'm not getting rid of my stuff...I will get to it when I get to it!"  Another dispute about his stuff, in an abusive relationship, most likely leads to the woman being verbally assaulted, threatened along with that cold stare, shoved, smacked, kicked, or something else.  After enough abuse, she knows not to touch his stuff!

His World

He tells his woman who is welcomed into his world--family and friends need not invite yourselves over. She convinces herself that it is her decision not to invite this one and that one to her home.  Her frustration with her husband's/boyfriend's house rules is taken out, not on her abuser, but those around her.  "Don't place that there...don't put your feet here...clean up that...don't move this...he might get angry if you..."  So people don't bother with her or "his" world.

The abused woman doesn't fit anywhere in a home that she shares with a verbally abusive motor mouth or a physically abusive Satan of a man, instead, all that is, is his and all that is her's is his.  She makes up excuses as to why he behaves in the way that he does.  She thinks that she is a good person for putting up with someone who is obviously dysfunctional in his mind.  He doesn't view his world the way she does.  What he says goes, and that's final.  Abused women tell themselves and others that they control their lives, but the reality is, they don't.  When the man feels like doing something, she abides.  When the man tells her to do or not to do something, she listens.  Ignorant women who have had little life experience when it comes to healthy relationships fall into these traps and unfortunately take daughters, nieces, and other female relatives and companions with them.

There is nothing healthy about being in a relationship with a man who dominates everything in and outside the home.  No amount of tough talk makes any sense when everything is being given to the man.  He ought not discipline his wife/girlfriend like a child or a soldier.  He is not a sergeant, a king, or so important that he should be treated this way and that way.  Don't encourage him by accepting his foolish ways.  Don't encourage him by exalting him before others as if he is a god with statements like, "My husband is the husband is the husband is wonderful..."  The truth is he is not any of those things, he is sick!

May no woman labor to love any man in the upcoming new year while being beat down mentally and physically!  May God free her from her abusive lifestyle in Jesus name!

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.


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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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