Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

They can't help themselves.  You should know by now if you have spent anytime with an emotionally and/or physically abusive partner.  No matter how much you want them to be honest, considerate, kind, loving, appreciative, or any other trait you deem righteous, it just isn't in him or her to be that way, at least not for long!  Don't think for one minute an evil partner is clueless as to how they are mistreating others whether verbally or non-verbally.  They know full well what they are doing, they just don't know how to control the evil within.  Believe an abusive spouse or date when they say, "I am bad...wrong for you...I have a dark side.  Sometimes I can't stand myself."  Yet, don't believe them when they say, "I am good.  I am a great human being.  I am a nice person.  I would never hurt you."  Those delusional statements do not accurately describe them.  To select individuals, evil people put on an act; they pretend li...

I felt moved to update this blog.  Inspired to share my thoughts about the abusive men and women who watch your social media pages, study you as you walk your neighborhood, work at your desk, or follow you in your car.  They are the friendly type, appearing to be harmless, but deep inside they are mean-spirited men and women with hearts that are as cold as ice.  When you least expect it, you will see their icy stare from afar.  They don't love people, they use and abuse them! Regret I guess I didn't see "it" coming, the pain.  Years of it.  Days of feeling like everything was okay when it really wasn't.  The mature me was angry with the naive me from long ago.  "How did you miss the signs?"  I asked myself one day.  The men I had got myself involved with in my lifetime had to sell me on even giving them the time of day.  Had I known my worth back then, they wouldn't have been given even a second look. Repercussions I have de...

Rebel against your mother, the teacher, the coach, law enforcement or anyone else an abuser doesn't like and you are considered one of their favorite pawns to use and abuse!  They don't like it very much when children listen to their victims especially when what they are doing is interfering with their plans.  So the brainwashing begins to sway a child or young adult son or daughter to believe that everything is wrong with the other parent and not with them!  Some of the manipulation looks like the following: 1)  Speaking ill about the ex in front of the new partner. 2)  Saying that "If it wasn't for me...your mother this...your father that...I have been there for you!" 3)  Offering service while talking about how bad the other person is for not doing. 4)  Lying about the verbal and/or physical abuse that took place in the relationship. 5)  Love bombing the children so that they never know that the abuser was really the reason why the other...

Ever been frustrated when attempting to communicate your concerns to a partner?   He or she shrugs, fakes interest, or responds in a tone that brings out the worse in you.   Meanwhile, children couldn’t care less that the dispute was instigated by what they said or didn’t do.   No one heard the instruction, caution, or anger spewing out of your voice attempting to keep something from occurring days or even weeks prior.   The day goes on.   Mom is the crazy one and everyone else is sane. When your family doesn’t hear you, there are times where you have to be like an annoying fly until they do.   Of course, they will want to do what they can to make you go away, but persistent moms get the job done.   Whether they post reminders all over the house, call twice a day plus send texts checking in on their troubled children, or stand in the living room with a bullhorn to get everyone to stop fighting, Mom knows that some activities require undivided atten...

Right now it doesn't look like it.  You have been with a partner for years and have tolerated much.  From the lying to the emotional and/or physical affairs or worse beatings, you know in your mind it is time to go, but when?  "When" is not a question you rush to answer.  One's steps to end a miserable relationship are careful, calculated, and consistent.  Each step moves you closer to freedom! Check your mind. If you are no longer finding yourself hoping/wishing/waiting for something to change in the angry or abusive mate, you are well on your way toward independence.  If you are still caught up in a world of fantasy, you are merely hindering yourself emotionally and physically and it will continue to feel like you will never get free. Check your heart. Still in love or like when he or she does something nice/funny/thoughtful?  Time to put the sentimental emotions in a box and store them away in a closet or a shelf, but not in your heart....

They lie about money, where they go, who they talk to, and more.   Victims have learned to play a game of sorts on their abusers since they too are often lying.   There is no way you can stay with an abusive man or woman and not tell some lies.   They force your back up against the wall with their accusations, yelling, passive aggressive demeanor, and other ugly things they do.   So you aren't always forthcoming with the truth.   You say things to angry abusive people like, "I don't remember...I don't know what you're talking about...I didn't talk with anyone today...I don't know him...her."   Meanwhile, a victim knows full well he or she is telling yet another lie, but would you tell the truth if you knew someone had much power over you? From controlling money to transportation, an abuser knows that in order to keep his or her partner close there has to be a long list of do's and don'ts otherwise he or she will lose the upper-hand in the...

On Moving.... Apartment Shopping, Leasing, Rental Tips: Helpful List of What You Don't Need the Next Time ... : What you don't need is another headache, backache, and a pending heart attack when you look at all the stuff you have to move and that m...

You may have prayed a short time ago or a long time ago, "God send me the right man or woman."  So Satan sent you his best, what happened?  Sometimes we falsely assume that the person near or far is Mr. or Ms. Right.  You can be in a relationship right now wishing that someone else might save you and that person isn't the one for you and neither is the one you are with! There is an unsettling feeling that you just can't shake about a person when you get God or Satan involved.  Satan is going to charm you into another twisted version of "forgive and forget" while you take another hit, insult, or some other offense.  God is going to use people, places and things to signal alarm bells, "Get out while you still can!" A mixture of worry, fear, or wonder when an abuser might go off is all a victim ever thinks about.  So he or she finds ways to keep the peace until the next time.  A victim walks around trying hard to act similar to a child who is on h...

On this blog we discussed the emotional abuser, he or she is uncaring about one's partner's feelings.  However, I will share a bit more about the type of cold-blooded individual who has all three traits: emotionless, secretive and dishonest. You don't suspect this person to be this way when you first start getting to know him or her.  You overlook him or her being stiff or a bore at first because your date is seemingly interested in getting to know you.  However once the thrill is gone, so too is the personality! What you might respond or react to almost consistently the emotionless has no response unless you try to coax a conversation such as: "What do you think?  How do you feel about that?"  Any "normal" person would have at least a comment or a chuckle.  There is nothing coming from this person, you walk away and scratch your head. There is a mystery, something magical, at least so you thought at first about the emotionless person, who y...

So it's a new year, now what?  Do you begin your life anew working toward getting out of a toxic relationship?   Most victims, they don't.  They prefer to make excuses as to why they should stay.  Do you seek counsel on how to end the relationship?  Most victims, they keep everything they are going through bottled inside.  But survivors, they do less talking and more walking!  They believe they are going to get out and then they do.  Whether they are walking upright when they leave or on a stretcher, they are out! Victims hate on survivors.  They are jealous even angry.  They want to get out, but that is about all they do "want."  But want has to be backed up with action.  If being jealous of those who are free is motivation, then one should use that to create the peaceful environment you always wanted without emotional and physical abuse. Photo by  Eric Ward  on  Unsplash Just imagine for a moment...no ...