Frequent Unsettling Feelings - Relationship is Headed for a Break Up, Divorce

You may have prayed a short time ago or a long time ago, "God send me the right man or woman."  So Satan sent you his best, what happened?  Sometimes we falsely assume that the person near or far is Mr. or Ms. Right.  You can be in a relationship right now wishing that someone else might save you and that person isn't the one for you and neither is the one you are with!

There is an unsettling feeling that you just can't shake about a person when you get God or Satan involved.  Satan is going to charm you into another twisted version of "forgive and forget" while you take another hit, insult, or some other offense.  God is going to use people, places and things to signal alarm bells, "Get out while you still can!"

A mixture of worry, fear, or wonder when an abuser might go off is all a victim ever thinks about.  So he or she finds ways to keep the peace until the next time.  A victim walks around trying hard to act similar to a child who is on his or her best behavior in hopes of getting some kind of reward.  "Wasn't I good today Daddy, Mommy?"  So the reward is a partner's listening ear, maybe a gift, an act of service, or a compliment.

"Goody, goody!" the victim is overjoyed to finally be back in her abusive partner's good graces.  A spouse or lover isn't a parent, but when one is still very much concerned with appeasing him or her, the victim might find his or herself going back to a child-like state of mind especially if one had been emotionally, physically or sexually abused as a child.

So the punishment shows up when a victim least expects it and the abuser feels justified in disrespecting a victim once again, what to do?  Consider the following if the victim is you:

1) Don't ignore the anger, worry or stress you feel.  Your unsettling emotions are there to push you toward safety.  They are healthy and normal emotions designed to alert you of the danger ahead.

2)  As long as you do nothing with those emotions, they worsen and begin to affect your health.

3)  Others notice you are easily irritated, scared, or difficult to be around and so they will begin to create distance from you.  Who wants to be around a nervous wreck who often talks like this:  "I don't want him to be mad...He doesn't like it when I...I'm so sorry, I really need to...or else he might...?

4)  You will experience mood swings with the abuser and may even act abusive too!  "Leave me alone!  What the...I hate it when...!  You are such a a$$h0le!"  Meanwhile, things are knocked over, children are screaming, and pets are running.

5)  They unsettling feeling will gradually go away once you have found a safe and peaceful setting free of the abuser's emotional and/or physical abuse.

Say a new prayer, not one about the relationship or a new partner, but one of solace, safety and a plan for a better future!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, Laboring to Love Myself, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.