Domestic Abuse: Relying on Police to Get You Out of Bad Relationship Might End Up Costing You Your Freedom

Not every phone call to the police ends up turning out in the way the caller might think.

Times have changed since the days our grandmothers and great grandmothers dealt with domestic violence, but there are still those in and out of law enforcement that have their personal bias views.  From the sexist father to the controlling mother-in-law, someone is telling a victim, "Just call the police..." when trouble arises.  But will the outcome really end up in the way that they think?

A number of victims have reached out to law enforcement only to find themselves being abused again before being sent off to jail.  But why?  Consider this, emotions are running high with everyone involved.  Critics feel you should have left the toxic relationship a long time ago, but you stayed. 

You might be the one speaking to the police one day unable to explain the details leading up to the abuse.  You may not remember what you or the abuser said or did due to the trauma experienced or worse so intoxicated that the police show up with handcuffs and don't even bother to ask questions. Meanwhile, the abuser appears to be stable, in control, and innocent while you look like you are out of control.  So you thought the police would help, huh, pay the abuser back for the pain you endured for months or maybe even years?  

Now let's look at recent days when nothing is really going on in the relationship other than the fact that you need to be preparing to move on with your life, because you just can't put up with an emotionally abusive partner anymore.  You do have a choice.  You can physically walk over to the door and exit before another emotional dispute breaks out or even afterward--no harm, no foul and most of all no police.  Another option, you can pack bags and boxes while the angry man or woman is away, again no police.  You can make arrangements with lawyers, law enforcement and anyone else while you have your mind intact and money in your bank account to break up, separate, or divorce once again without the worries of police, false accusations or jail time.  But you don't...it's a honeymoon period right now.  "Everything is okay...I'm good.  He's fine.  We have our problems...I'm not worried.  She's calm for now."  The abuser wins again, a little attention and affection.  You stay. 

So fast forward to the future.  What might you see?  A huge fight--yelling, cursing, lying, denying, blaming, threats, etc.  Maybe next time a partner, child, or pet is abused.  Someone calls the police, possibly you, falsely assuming that justice will be served, but it is not.  Believing that everyone will listen to your story, but they don't. Trusting that you are doing the right thing, but it ends up being the wrong thing.

You have your freedom today.  You have your peace of mind today.  But tomorrow?  Think about the future. 

Nicholl McGuire