Friday

6 Signs Your Abusive Partner is Destroying Your Life

When was the last time you smiled genuinely in public and stayed content for longer than a few hours.  Did you experience that happiness when your partner was around or when he or she was away?  What about the things you once enjoyed prior to meeting your partner, are you still doing them and do they continue to bring you peace?

It is unfortunate, but many people in challenging relationships secretly are unhappy because they have learned there lives have been changed upside down (and not for good) by mean-spirited, selfish and downright evil men and women.  Their lives have been ruined in so many ways by abusive people that it has taken years for some survivors to get minds, bodies, finances, property, and more back!

The following are signs that you may already be in a situation or headed in a direction where your life may be significantly impacted for the worse by an abusive mate.

1)  You are often depressed.

Yes you have your good days, but they don't last for long due to the myriad of things that occur with your partner.  From shocking news to shady connections, he or she keeps you on edge.  Sometimes you find yourself not wanting to get out the bed much less leave your residence because you are so disappointed, tired, and deeply troubled by your partner's negative behaviors.

2)  You don't feel like you are healthy emotionally and/or physically.

You recall a time where you were physically fit or had more energy than you do now.  You also remember a time where you felt in control of your mind and your body.  Yet, with all of your partner's issues you just can't seem to get yourself together like you want.  Your mental health and bodily woes are at times upsetting to think about.  Meanwhile, you know who or what aided you to feel this way.  No more excuses!

3)  Your life revolves around your spouse's needs.

Every time you attempt to do something for yourself or others your spouse has say so on who receives your time and money.  He or she will go so far as to threaten to hurt you, his or herself or others if you should act like you want to do for yourself or leave this person.  So you wait on him or her, making sure you are always on call like a servant or a nurse rather than a partner.

4)  You have gone into much debt since being with this person.

Whether it is you, your partner or both, shopping is what you do to escape the negativity within and around your relationship.  You have reasoned that you need everything that you buy.  However, the truth is you are distracting yourself from the troubled individual in your household and using shopping to escape your pain.  While the debt mounts, so too does the stress.

5)  Your credit is ruined.

Your credit may or may not be impacted today, but you never know what the future might hold as long as you put up with someone who keeps persuading you to spend more money on his or her needs.  The more you give, the more he or she takes.  Your partner isn't concerned about your credit, but you should be.

6)  You don't have a good relationship with relatives and children since connecting with him or her.

Being in this challenging relationship has taken its toll on your relatives and children because they have simply grown weary of witnessing and hearing how controlled/manipulated/disrespected you are.  Who wants to keep listening and watching someone that they care about be used and abused?  Don't blame them for not wanting to speak or come around you.  Being with someone who treats you meanly will eventually show up in how you deal with loved ones.  Discerning parents see the difference in their child compared to the kind person he or she once was.  Daughters and sons see how negative you can become especially after your partner has angered you--do you really think they want to carry your burdens?  Grandchildren notice what is going on and in time learn to distance themselves too.

As much as an abused victim would like to think that everything is okay for now because he or she isn't being abused, it really isn't.  No matter how much you pray, know that God has his timing and if he is ready to heal someone he will, but if you don't see any evidence of healing, why falsely deceive yourself into being someone's verbal and/or physical punching bag?  There is only one Jesus who took on the world's pain and suffering and you aren't him, be free this day!  Leave the excuses, past memories, insults, wishes things would be different, and more at the cross...if anything run for safety from a man or woman who is in the hands of an angry God!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic and other books that appear on Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate the blog.

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