Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

The signs are evident!  Either agree to go along with the abuser's lies, emotional/physical cheating, anger outbursts, threats, and more or suffer the consequences.  So many people in toxic relationships tolerate much while deceiving themselves and others with statements like, "I don't put up with his stuff...I don't play that!  I am strong...he doesn't get away with anything.  She knows better or else!" Sure.  Then a spouse or partner does another thing and another, kiss and make up, put on a good act and he or she is back in a victim's bank account, bed and anywhere else that he or she wants to be in getting selfish needs met. Victims put on a tough act, but they are weak to the sweet talk, promises, and cheap gifts--tis the season.  They dismiss thoughts that, "He could have treated me better...bought something nicer...apologized."  However, a victim desperate for a bit of harmony will take almost anything from an abuser if it is nothing but...

Talk about an abuser's lying, cheating, stealing, drinking, hiding, or hanging out with friends and you just might be starting a verbal or physical war!  Delusional people will never admit to their problems or seek help.  They are defensive and ready to attack.  Get to close, talk too long, or act in any way that is perceived to be threatening and the violent man or woman will reason in his or her mind, "Time to fight." Living with someone who is hot-tempered is highly stressful, unsafe, and will most likely provoke you to do the unthinkable.  Abusive men and women are typically selfish and unless you enable their toxic habits and behaviors, they are not going to be too accepting of you.  The world revolves around them.  They rarely do anything that doesn't include themselves.  Their intentions are usually selfish.  Whatever they want, they get whether using kind words or acting evilly.  Victims who are fearful of their abusers will meet t...

Family and friends most likely will be wanting to see loved ones around the holidays.  Abusers will be sure to talk with victims on what is to be said and not said at a holiday event to relatives and whether or not they will even be permitted to leave the house.  For some mean-spirited men and women they will look for plenty of reasons for their spouses and partners not to see or talk to kinfolk like picking a fight prior to attending a family celebration.  Since this is impossible with some victims to avoid family, they will attempt to put on a good act and so too will their abusive partners.  Families must be discerning and pay close attention to abusive behaviors and address issues.  However, take care that the victim and possibly children are safe before confronting an abuser.  Keep in mind a victim will most likely want to return home with his or her partner after a holiday event and depending on how things goes with the family will determine ...

Selfish, bitter, arrogant, and angry, a partner that doesn't care much about you.  Too much arguing, ignoring, and being spiteful, two people co-exist in a dwelling.  He passes her by and she does the same.  There's only one problem, the victim still has feelings for the abuser. What does it feel like when one works to love someone who doesn't love in return?  It is lonely, depressing, irritating, and a constant hope that things might change, but they don't. She loves him and wants what is best for him, but he is annoyed with her reaching out to him.  He believes that there is still a chance the relationship might rebound, but things appear to be getting worse after every dispute. One labors and labors until either the individual makes up in his or her mind to break up, separate, or pay the other back for all the pain and suffering while still remaining in an unhealthy relationship .  The cycle of thoughts go round and round as challenges rise and...

How long do you keep standing by watching a parent be abused?  How much more can you take in an abusive relationship ?  Someone is going to snap!  A person or the family will lose it one day.  Then what?  The enablers will want to defend their beloved, abusive family member. "I don't know why they killed him, my brother was good to them." "I don't believe my sister was violent.  She was always so nice when I visited the family home." "I can't think for the life of me why she did it, why did she hurt my son like that!" They claim to not know anything.  These family members in denial falsely believe that a son, brother, daughter, or sister "would never," "couldn't have" and "he/she was just a good husband, father..."  The abused didn't deserve death.  Although they are justified in feeling like a beloved relative shouldn't have been viciously abused or murdered, running away from the truth that th...

"You didn't do this right.  You spend too much money.  You act like a fool.  You aren't good enough!"  the self-important abusive partner says to the victim.  A crazy-making, perfectionist type of partner is too much to contend with!  But you stick it out anyway or maybe you aren't the one in the situation, but someone you know is.  No matter what the victim says or does the partner has a comment, a question, a concern, a curse word, or worse a fist!  The abusive man or woman blames everyone but his or herself for everything! When in a  difficult relationship like this you or that person that you know is simply surviving each day by looking on the bright side of things even when some days there are no good moments.  The victim is allowing occasional love-making, a gift, a compliment, or some outside distractions to keep his or herself from cracking up inside.  So when the person is not re...

Face Your Foe: Why the Narcissist picked you  - Ever wonder why someone who you know is highly conceited, self-absorbed, or selfish would bother picking you who is giving, spiritual, and loving?