Do You Feel Intimidated When Arguing with a Partner/Spouse/Friend?

The writing is usually on the wall early on in the relationship when you feel uneasy having a disagreement with your partner or friend, "This person is scary...I get kind of scared with him...What's wrong with her?" 

The controller looks at you strangely.  The angry individual might take up your personal space by getting in your face.  You find yourself walking backward, cowering, flinching, or looking anywhere, but in his or her eyes.

Sometimes these mean-spirited men and women take out their aggression on their pets.  You think it is awful how they treat their animals, but you dismiss it.  Some don't mind showing off their weapons and making threatening jokes like, "You mess with me and one day I will use this...You got it!  Oh honey, I'm just kidding."  Others will smash something when angry or make loud sounds to shake you up.  "Next time it will be your face!  Keep on calling me names, you know what happened last time when you said those things!" the abusive man yells.  Your nervous, worried, and you might even caution them about their behavior.  "You don't threaten me...You keep your hands off of me...What about the crazy stuff you said!  Put the gun away you don't need to show me that!" the frightened victim says.

Abusers don't care who they hurt.  They like to send messages that remind you to tow the line, "Don't cross me, or else..."  I have been raised by a military father, was married to one who hadn't been long got out of the military, was part of a group that honored servicemen, and many of my uncles are from various branches, so if there is one thing I have experienced and witnessed are men trained to kill.  Many of course know better not to kill, but their stance and the way some fight, sends a direct message, "I could kill you if I wanted to..."  One man threatened me and another let me know in so many words he was crazy.  I had an uncle tell me that he couldn't keep a girlfriend in his bed over night, because he would have flashbacks.  He has been in counseling for years and has been alone for years too.  The man, who physically abused me, was a former sergeant and told me that he hadn't been with a woman yet that he didn't end up hurting.  Now this isn't to say there isn't some mentally stable and self-controlled servicemen, because there are, but in my experience I have not spent the kind of time with them that I did with intimidating loved ones.

The crazy look isn't to be taken lightly especially when you haven't done anything that was so bad that deserved such a look.  Asking for an explanation is helpful like, "What brought on that look?  What did I do?"  Sometimes no reasons is given just a "You better know" kind of stare.  You walk on eggshells when someone is often giving you that look.  I would never recommend challenging an unstable man or woman who has showed off his or her weapons and threatened you whether joking or not.  You are asking for trouble sooner or later. 

Victims in relationships with men and women who are intimidating when they stare, stand near them, and do other similar things to incite fear, usually survive because they are docile.  They do as they are told.  They watch their tone of voice.  They don't ask any questions unless necessary.  They avoid eye contact when speaking.  If they disagree with an abusive person, they usually don't keep talking once they are signaled to be quiet or else.  The "normal" woman or man is just not going to live like this, but to those who are laboring to love an abusive mate that is what is done until you have a spine to leave.

It is always best to get out of a situation where your nerves are shot and you worry about your safety as soon as you can, because this sort of thing rarely stops and can happen over almost anything.  The older one gets, sometimes the crazier they become, so just because he or she hasn't went off in years doesn't mean that the bomb won't be set off one day due to any number of things including: an annoying baby/child, alcohol and/or drugs, lack of sleep, hunger, traffic, money issues, etc. 

Intimidating behaviors can escalate at times and usually when they do, someone ends up on the floor rubbing an injury or running into another room or out of the home to allow the abuser to cool off.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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