Monday

Stop the Drunkenness, Cursing, and Craziness...Keep Your Mind Sober

You weren't cautious around your violent boyfriend/partner one night. You slipped up when you drank too much, got angry, or hurled insults during one of your PMS moments.  He didn't forget, abusers never forget!  They wash your face in your ugliness sooner or later, "Look at you...that's why I treat you like I do...you are always f*cking up!"  These abusive men act as if they have never done anything wrong, they attempt to belittle you--make you feel guilty for acting out of control--even if he tempted you to go there!  When in a relationship with a verbal and/or physical abuser, there is no room for slip-ups.  You must tow the line, act like you are perfect.  Operate at 100% most of the time.

An angry man, with fluctuating hormones (think low-T or mood disorders) is no different than a woman going through the same things (like perimenopause).  The moody male acts as if he is okay, while the world doesn't suspect that he is really deeply troubled.  "He smiles often, waves to us...acts like a great guy!" they think.  But the reality is, the emotionally disturbed man's mind is like a broken record replaying everything that makes him feel uncomfortable when it comes to his punching bag, "It's your drunkenness, cursing and craziness that is causing me to hurt you..."  He thinks, "I am going to have to teach her a lesson she will never forget!" 

An abuser hates not being in control of another person's life.  He looks for ways to calm the strange emotions he experiences when in the presence of someone who he should permit himself to freely love (flaws and all), but chooses not to. He is more comfortable playing emotional games ie.) silent treatment, name-calling and saying hateful things to the one he claims to love the most. 

For the abuser, he feels more comfortable finding others' faults and shoving them in their faces, hating others, and wishing to be alone once again to live his life how he wants without need of a partner.  Yet, obligations, commitments, responsibilities of life demand money, conversation, care, affection--you name it; therefore, a mean-spirited man will fight it all until he sees some personal benefit that has no connection to anyone else, but self.  From what he eats to where he goes, the selfish man wants nothing to do with the woman intimately who is hurting, drunk, cursing or crazy--he takes no responsibility for making his lover that way.  All he wants is for her to sober up, so that he can take advantage of her kindness once again!

Oh, this aggressive, prideful man will recall the days, "When you did...when you should have...when you could have..." In his twisted mind, it could have been the perfect day "...had you not said or did...." you fill in the blank.  He blames you--he blames everyone!  In his world, you are not to do anything that will show your weakness, more specifically, reveal evidence of what he is doing or not doing to you.

He doesn't love you in good times and in bad even though he knows he should.  He doesn't care too much about your successes or failures.  He doesn't bother to compliment you.  This evil man, with a cold heart and an even colder hand, is a walking dead man.

So forgive yourself for your slip-ups, and try hard not to be around the abuser with your mind not intact--sober, because you never know the day or hour when a fight with him just might be your last one.

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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