Not Happy

Abusive partners rob you of your joy, prematurely age you, and make you feel like everything is wrong in your life even when it isn't.  You might find yourself overly critical of others, sensitive when someone says the slightest thing you don't agree with, and often carrying emotions that are downright mean.  This is what people feel like who remain with abusive partners.

If he or she is cheating, often lying, physically abusive, or frequently angry about people, places and things, a person in a relationship with an abuser is trying hard not to be a problem.  The victim is going to bend over backwards in everything he or she does just to make sure that the angry man or woman is not disturbed.  The victim knows that if his or her partner becomes upset, he or she will be like a dartboard suspended to a wall having to catch the darts of the mean one.  This is why certain relative's and friend's calls or visits might not be entertained because the emotionally unstable partner, with the hot-tempered man, feels like it is just too much to bear if these people should show up and bring their issues along with them.

Witnesses will see the victim running around, talking softly, and acting weak in their abusive partner's presence and might say things like, "Who does he/she think she is?  Don't do that for him/her?  Why do you act like that?  I should tell him/her not to treat you like this!  You aren't his slave!  What kind of relationship is this?"

To the one being abused, he or she doesn't see cheating, lying, or physical fighting as abusive.  The victim thinks, "All couples go through these things...it's not so bad."  But it is.  Not every couple hits, cheats, and does other mean things to one another. Being unhappy often in a relationship is not normal.  When you find yourself not looking forward to waking up each day much less seeing your partner's face, you are depressed and why are you?  Think about it.  When your life is centered on the children or a job while you ignore this person who you say you love, what is really going on?  Face the truth!  Stop telling yourself, "It's me...my hormones...my job...my kids..."  How about you are in a loveless relationship?  When all other issues have been addressed like the job and kids, and the elephant still sits in the room, guess what?  He or she is your problem!  Not elderly mom, the dog, or a lack of money--your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend has issues that you can't solve!

For those of you who have a faith, what does God think about your relationship?  Ask him to show you the part you play in the relationship and why you feel the way you do.  There is a story that has yet to be told for many victims.  They see some things, but not others.  They accept some problems, but not others.  Your Creator will show you the full picture if you let him.  He will give you the wisdom you need to labor to love this person until you can't do it anymore.  Some of you reading this, have already arrived to that revelation.  Now all you need is a source of true happiness.   But joy, real joy doesn't come when you are sitting in mess.  When life is passing by and your mind and heart aren't at rest.  Let the Lord guide you to real joy in Him and not man!

Nicholl McGuire