Tuesday

What You Don't Know Might Kill You When Your Partner Acts Strangely

Having relationship woes?  Don't feel at peace about some things?  Many couples reach a place in their romance that they just don't know what to feel, say, or do concerning a mate that seems to have a lot on his or her mind and doesn't seem like the nice person he or she once was.  This person may even act strangely wrecking havoc on you spiritually, mentally or worse physically.

When you don't spend the time doing the following like:  reading about issues concerning your mate, interviewing him or her, talking to others about your challenges, praying, and of course having that self-talk, you will go along with just about anything this troubled person puts out.  Your mind will convince you that he or she is "okay, alright" until the next battle comes up.  Then you are left standing there trying to figure everything out all at once--bad time to problem solve with tears in your eyes and yelling.  If you are not ready to break up, then in the meantime you might want to at least plan for the next battle if you should decide to call it quits.

Living in a world that is blending the lines between good and evil daily doesn't make it any easier to find someone who has good moral character even if you should leave your mate.  It also doesn't mean that your mate will walk in this world un-touched by life challenges either.  Some women in long-term marriages are naive enough to believe that even their spouses will never change, but learn the hard way after blinders are taken off, that they are no different than younger women tolerating tempermental boyfriends and all that comes with them. 

Stress, sudden death, violence, sickness, poor diet, lack of exercise, listening to constant bad news, relocation, babies and children, negative associations, will change people.  Think about how much you have changed since the early days of dating your mate.  As much as we would like to persuade ourselves into thinking that mates are still those same people we fell in love with, that is most likely incorrect thinking.  We have to learn to adapt if we want to stay in relationships with people who are mentally and physically changing. 

If you are dating or in a relationship, use caution when you notice that your mate is taking on a different personality, routine, or seems strange.  In other words, don't be so quick to confront him or her on the changed behavior.  Never assume that everything is okay when you can clearly see that the man or woman standing in front of you has changed.

Maybe your partner's issues have nothing to do with you.  He or she may be going through the following:  hormonal issues due to the aging process, angered about something that happened at work, feeling guilty for something he or she has done, has money woes, or simply is growing weary of routine.  Sometimes even an often growling belly and a lack of sleep will make one miserable.  Is there frequent meals being made and he or she isn't eating them?  Could this person be staying up all hours of the night?  Two simple issues that could cause serious problems in a relationship must be addressed. 

Don't be so quick to believe that your relationship is over especially when children are involved.  Do take the time to communicate with your partner.  However, don't be so sure your mate feels comfortable sharing all the details of what might be wrong with him or her with you.  For some people, who have some emotional or physical issues, they don't want to share too much for fear that a mate might judge, end the relationship, bring up issues during a future argument, or tell others.

When you feel like your back is up against the wall with this person and you just don't know what to do, it is then that one who has a faith should use it and often.  Those who you might think can help you sort through your issues may give you little comfort and have no experience or understanding on what you might be going through.  Don't defend, argue, or make these people your enemy.  Just give them the pass, so to speak, and move on with your life.  Some people just aren't equipped to be the best advisers or friends.

Find your peace with your Savior for those of you who seem to be giving your Heavenly Father less attention these days, and your partner more.  Also, keep in mind, you know your situation better than anyone.  Although some advisers might mean well, don't readily believe that their advice is good, no matter what their title.  If you should find that your mate is acting abusive, then you know that you will only be setting yourself up for future issues that may lead to jail time or worse death.  So do plan your exit.  Start with saving, borrowing or obtaining more money.  Then pay attention to potential places to live.  Tour communities so that you will be motivated to move when the time comes.  And whatever you do, when you have made up in your mind that you can't tolerate being with this person, don't go back.  Most people who have left problematic relationships will tell you things usually don't get better, they get worse no matter how much the ex promises that "things will be different."  They usually go back to the way things were.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love and Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself and other books.  Feel free to stop by her channel on YouTube - nmenterprise7.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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