Abusers Rarely Change

Some abusive people will claim that they are "better...different...and learned from my mistakes..." but unless they have had some kind of brainwashing therapy, they are still very much the same--the mean spirit is simply in hiding.

Take a moment to test people with abusive pasts who claim to have changed.  Ask them about people they like, music they listen to, and places they like to go.  Although strange to start a dialogue like this with an abuser, this small talk will put the individual at ease.  Before long, you will see a familiar personality show up, especially when you start talking about controversial subject matter.

As much as we all would like to think that anyone claiming to have a faith or is "in a different place now" has changed, the reality is this mean-spirited person is more likely to say or do something to trigger old emotions within us that will want nothing more than to protect us. 

You may find yourself arguing with the abuser, getting hysterical, or even worse wanting to cast revenge on him or her.  Doing these things might cause you to question whether you have changed. What is really going on with the spirit in and around this person that is tempting you to act out in ways that you would rather not?  Maybe there is more work to do within you, but don't beat yourself up about it.  When you feel strange feelings arising within you around an abusive person, it is always best to remove yourself from his or her presence, or if in your power, ask the abuser to leave your space.

Don't permit a past abusive boyfriend or girlfriend to persuade you back into any sort of relationship with him or her.  Further, don't take his or her warnings or speeches of forgiveness personally either like, "I thought you forgave me...or why don't you forgive me and you know what God says..."
Sometimes people use those Holy Scriptures of forgiveness as a way to manipulate an individual to come back to them.  For some abusers, personal drama is like a drug and they seek someone to give them their fix. When an abusive man or woman has spent most of his or her life on a roller-coaster ride, it is often very hard to get off of it.  Abusers need something or someone to keep them wild.

Do your best to stay free and if you're not, make every effort to break free (break programming) by seeking help and getting away from your abuser! 

Take control of your emotions and don't bother with the past unless you want it to dictate your future yet again!  As the older people like to say, "The devil is busy!"

 

 

Nicholl McGuire maintains other blogs including When Mothers Cry and Face Your Foe.