Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Say something to the public charmer that sounds critical and then it won't be long before his evil twin the private abuser shows up. The charmer's smile fades away as quick as it came; in its place now reveals an evil scowl. Say too much and things just might get physical. He is more cautious around males then females who know him well, because he doesn't want to have to go toe to toe with another man if he can help it. Mr. Abuser knows better to exercise a bit of self-control when he knows he could lose everything messing with the wrong person. Dr. Phil says, "There are no victims, only volunteers." Don't go along to get along. Peace at any price is no peace at all. On Dating or Marrying a Loser Do women recognize the kind of men they are with and do they listen closely to what their partners are saying and not saying especially during those first meetings? The evidence is there. From the way a man stands to the take charge attitude he has and

As long as the woman who doesn't want her abusive man to get away remains in a relationship with him, she will be abused. As long as the man who thinks he can't attract anyone but mean-spirited women continues to settle, he will be used. It's a belief, whether accurate or not, that keeps the abused with the abusive.  You can make excuses all you want, but the truth is your personal thoughts about someone is what keeps you bound to them.  We know the truth about our partners and we all have reasons for why we stay and why we leave and never return.  When the thought came to me that I could never be happy with my abuser, I let him go.  When I came to the realization that an ex was no longer going to be faithful to me, I made arrangements to leave.  When I watched my relatives behave badly with one another and then noticed how they acted toward me and didn't like what I was seeing, I made arrangements not to be around them anymore. How long does it take for someone

It all starts... with a look. An accusation. A threat. Telling you that what you see/feel/hear is incorrect. Looking for others to support them on their lies, they act as if they are something special, a good person. Sharing with family and friends that you are the crazy one, meanwhile they are the ones with the mental illness. Blaming exes, employers, and even their own children for everything that is "wrong, bad." They make excuses for why they do what they do and might even cry and show a bit of empathy. They cover up, lie and isolate victims so that no one will catch wind of the truth. They plan to pay back for pre-conceived wrong-doing, for exposing vulnerabilities, for wanting to get away from them. They come up with clever schemes, pretending to be righteous and honest while lying even to God. They say, "You aren't going anywhere...you need me...I love you...I still want you...I will change." But they don't.... They don't They

"How do you "Avoid such men as these" when they literally lied to you to get you to fall for them.  They have a "false self" that they present to you...love-bomb you from the start.  You think you hit the jackpot and your life with them will be one of chasing after the Lord together and living for Him.  And after you're hooked (married) they deny any of your needs or dreams or your calling even.  Something as simple as asking for a conversation, his time, a date night, setting goals for your future together is met with "What is wrong with you.  You need help."  So you lower your standards to keep peace and they set the bar higher for what you should be doing for them.  Everything causes narcissistic injury and you find yourself being belittled, demeaned, ignored, denied.  Even your FEELINGS are just wrong, wrong, wrong.  They control and manipulate your time and energies.  It all must be focused on their needs and their interests.  And when you