Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

It all starts... with a look. An accusation. A threat. Telling you that what you see/feel/hear is incorrect. Looking for others to support them on their lies, they act as if they are something special, a good person. Sharing with family and friends that you are the crazy one, meanwhile they are the ones with the mental illness. Blaming exes, employers, and even their own children for everything that is "wrong, bad." They make excuses for why they do what they do and might even cry and show a bit of empathy. They cover up, lie and isolate victims so that no one will catch wind of the truth. They plan to pay back for pre-conceived wrong-doing, for exposing vulnerabilities, for wanting to get away from them. They come up with clever schemes, pretending to be righteous and honest while lying even to God. They say, "You aren't going anywhere...you need me...I love you...I still want you...I will change." But they don't.... They don't They

"How do you "Avoid such men as these" when they literally lied to you to get you to fall for them.  They have a "false self" that they present to you...love-bomb you from the start.  You think you hit the jackpot and your life with them will be one of chasing after the Lord together and living for Him.  And after you're hooked (married) they deny any of your needs or dreams or your calling even.  Something as simple as asking for a conversation, his time, a date night, setting goals for your future together is met with "What is wrong with you.  You need help."  So you lower your standards to keep peace and they set the bar higher for what you should be doing for them.  Everything causes narcissistic injury and you find yourself being belittled, demeaned, ignored, denied.  Even your FEELINGS are just wrong, wrong, wrong.  They control and manipulate your time and energies.  It all must be focused on their needs and their interests.  And when you

They never learn or you might be the one who is tempted into drinking or smoking yet again.  Far too many people don't realize they can avoid many relationship issues if they would simply stop partying.  But many of these couples met during times when inhibitions had been lowered by substance abuse.  The difficulty of letting go of destructive behaviors that damage their relationships is constant. "I know I shouldn't but I can't help it...I really wish I could stop drinking...I don't like what has become of our relationship, but...He only hits me when he is drunk...She is cool as long as she doesn't use drugs..." Holidays for some couples are not happy, peaceful, or good times, because they don't want to admit that the substances that they drink, snort, inject, or smoke are causing problems for not only them, but children and pets living in their homes and relatives who visit. If you are guilty of hurting your partner or others while under the i

They have all gone.  The parents stopped calling or coming around.  No conversation about them.  The children (or at least most of them) are not at home even pets have gone off into their corners.  There is no job stress, no significant money woes (just the usual) and neighbors, friends and others aren't involved much with you.  No one is around to blame, to talk about, to insult, or to distract you from the troubled one seated in the same room or sleeping beside you.  Now what? Oftentimes victims in bad relationships run away from their problems.  They resort to blaming others for all their issues.  From something not going right at an event to the attitude a partner gives them behind closed doors.  However, when there isn't anyone or anything to blame, then what? http://www.pixabay.com If you are watching this sort of situation unfold with yourself or someone you know, you can see what and who is really the cause behind all the blaming.  Instead, we like to sugarcoat t