Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

They lie about money, where they go, who they talk to, and more.   Victims have learned to play a game of sorts on their abusers since they too are often lying.   There is no way you can stay with an abusive man or woman and not tell some lies.   They force your back up against the wall with their accusations, yelling, passive aggressive demeanor, and other ugly things they do.   So you aren't always forthcoming with the truth.   You say things to angry abusive people like, "I don't remember...I don't know what you're talking about...I didn't talk with anyone today...I don't know him...her."   Meanwhile, a victim knows full well he or she is telling yet another lie, but would you tell the truth if you knew someone had much power over you? From controlling money to transportation, an abuser knows that in order to keep his or her partner close there has to be a long list of do's and don'ts otherwise he or she will lose the upper-hand in the

On Moving.... Apartment Shopping, Leasing, Rental Tips: Helpful List of What You Don't Need the Next Time ... : What you don't need is another headache, backache, and a pending heart attack when you look at all the stuff you have to move and that m...

You may have prayed a short time ago or a long time ago, "God send me the right man or woman."  So Satan sent you his best, what happened?  Sometimes we falsely assume that the person near or far is Mr. or Ms. Right.  You can be in a relationship right now wishing that someone else might save you and that person isn't the one for you and neither is the one you are with! There is an unsettling feeling that you just can't shake about a person when you get God or Satan involved.  Satan is going to charm you into another twisted version of "forgive and forget" while you take another hit, insult, or some other offense.  God is going to use people, places and things to signal alarm bells, "Get out while you still can!" A mixture of worry, fear, or wonder when an abuser might go off is all a victim ever thinks about.  So he or she finds ways to keep the peace until the next time.  A victim walks around trying hard to act similar to a child who is on h

On this blog we discussed the emotional abuser, he or she is uncaring about one's partner's feelings.  However, I will share a bit more about the type of cold-blooded individual who has all three traits: emotionless, secretive and dishonest. You don't suspect this person to be this way when you first start getting to know him or her.  You overlook him or her being stiff or a bore at first because your date is seemingly interested in getting to know you.  However once the thrill is gone, so too is the personality! What you might respond or react to almost consistently the emotionless has no response unless you try to coax a conversation such as: "What do you think?  How do you feel about that?"  Any "normal" person would have at least a comment or a chuckle.  There is nothing coming from this person, you walk away and scratch your head. There is a mystery, something magical, at least so you thought at first about the emotionless person, who y

So it's a new year, now what?  Do you begin your life anew working toward getting out of a toxic relationship?   Most victims, they don't.  They prefer to make excuses as to why they should stay.  Do you seek counsel on how to end the relationship?  Most victims, they keep everything they are going through bottled inside.  But survivors, they do less talking and more walking!  They believe they are going to get out and then they do.  Whether they are walking upright when they leave or on a stretcher, they are out! Victims hate on survivors.  They are jealous even angry.  They want to get out, but that is about all they do "want."  But want has to be backed up with action.  If being jealous of those who are free is motivation, then one should use that to create the peaceful environment you always wanted without emotional and physical abuse. Photo by  Eric Ward  on  Unsplash Just imagine for a moment...no one calling you names, acting threatening, accusing you