Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

When someone approaches you with a story that sounds a lot like he or she is being abused, do consider the following. 1.  No talking about the situation when victims have either shut down, stopped talking, or don't feel ready to share everything. 2.  Be understanding, don't pressure a victim to leave especially when you don't know the details.  Sometimes abusers will pretend like they are victims to get attention or cover up their misdeeds by placing blame on a partner. 3.  Avoid blaming, ridiculing or acting in other negative ways, because you don't like or agree with what the person is telling you. 4.  Search for resources in the victim's area and share them.  Remind him or her it is against the law to be abused and for a child or animal to be abused as well.  Oftentimes abusers are not only hurting their partners, but others as well. 5.  Offer to assist the individual with expenses and other needs if you know you are able to, don't give him or her false

He is not God. You are not Jesus. Your children, disciples. Following after whatever example you are providing. What you do with your life relevant, how you choose to live it...important. Abuser, irrelevant. Advisers don't want to hear about what he thinks, what she will do... what they want to know is, what will you do? Band-aids don't heal wounds. Compliments don't erase pain. Expensive gifts don't solve problems. Trips around the world don't make a partner love. Pain and more pain is all the victim ever gets. Pain and more pain is all the abuser gives. Nicholl McGuire

They are bullies, attention-seekers, angry, loud-mouth, sneaky, or downright evil, children .  They look harmless but upon closer inspection, you see the callousness in them.  They learned from the best, abusive guardians.  Emotionally and physically violent mothers and/or fathers cursing, fighting, slamming things, and acting out their aggression in other ways.  Mad at everyone in the household, a father storms off after leaving his partner on the floor crying and yelling.  Mom retaliates one day, loses it, and makes dad bleed.  The children see, they may tell others, or remain quiet until they are old enough to fight anyone who stands in their way. Slap a child one too many times and eventually she doesn't cry anymore.  Punch a son in his chest as an attempt to toughen him up over and over again, and one day he will pay the parent or someone else back for all his abuse.  The pain received from an abusive relative, partner or friend doesn't go away overnight.  That resi

Some victims of domestic violence assume that if they have a baby for an abusive man, then another and another that some how the man will change and life will get better.  But the truth is, it won't.  Abusive men, whether the silent type or physically violent, want obedience--power and control--from those they abuse. One thing that many men can't control is a baby being born in this world--but they will try and some will successfully get their way.  A man, who is mentally unstable, doesn't ever want to feel powerless.  His need for control over any and all situations is an obsession and when a victim thinks she is somehow getting the upper hand by having a baby anyway, she puts herself at risk of being killed.  Thoughts play over and over in his mind on how to get his victims to do as he wishes irregardless of how they and others may feel. Pay attention to the man's expression when a woman announces she is pregnant.  Most abusive men either boldly show how much t

"I didn't want to believe it happened.  I met someone that I really thought was a nice person.  I felt that he was going to treat me sweetly, but once again I was wrong.  I became bitter allowing this individual into my life again and again.  I should have never given this man a place in my life, but I did and so now I have to undo it!" How many of you secretly regret connecting with a partner whether on or offline?  This is someone who deceived you in some way.  Who didn't keep promises, lied about his whereabouts, his or her commitment to you, and more.  You might have looked the other way early on during the courtship--forgive and forget, right?  But now sometimes you are numb or crazy with anger. When you are at your wits end with someone, feeling trapped in a bad relationship, consider those high and low emotions toward him or her red flag warning signs to get out while there is still time.  Just imagine being wheel-chaired bound and relying on an abusive ma

They don't think that they do, but they do.  People will idolize one another as well as things.  They love, worship, kill, steal, destroy, and more for partners.  Witnesses stand by and see the destruction.  They call them out on their foolishness.  But idol worshippers keep right on doing what they do. The presence of idol worship is in an abusive relationship .  Simply put, the abuser and victim put one another on a pedestal.  They think much about one another--too much!  Thoughts stream into their minds frequently about everything from what the other is doing to how he or she feels about him/her.  The thoughts play out like a roller coaster ride, a merry go round or a swing.  It is all fun, positive, sweet or nice until someone gets hurt again and again. "I miss you...I can't get enough of you.  When will we see each other again?  I want you forever..."  Sounds so wonderful, doesn't it? At least in the beginning of the dysfunctional courtship  all appea

Mom was upset with dad so she went off on children.  She cursed, slapped, and did many more hurtful things.  She really didn't mean to act outrageous.  But Mom didn't want to leave dad and so the honeymoon periods in the household came and went.  The family argued like cats and dogs especially on holidays.  Siblings lashed out, pets ran about, parents acted like fools in front of children.  The house could have been peaceful had adults stopped with wishful thinking that the good ole days would return again. Mom will reap what she has sown when difficult children grow up.  She will hear the feedback, "Why didn't you just leave Dad? What was wrong with you treating us like that?  He just wasn't worth it, Mom!"  Future mother's day holidays will not be so blissful.  Children will grow weary of honoring a woman who has little self-respect and has no intention of doing what's right.  Instead, they will see the victim, selfish, brainwashed, needy, and

It isn't a happy mother's day for some women because they know just how bad their relationships are with their children's fathers.  The abuser's mother doesn't care much about the victim or her son's private lives.  All she wants is to be honored, treated with dignity and respect.  Not only is the victim bound to her abusive mate, but his controlling mother too.  Time to step back from not only the abusive partner, but his difficult mother too. https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/549977