Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

A partner's child abuse can impact his or her adult relationships.  Learn something about your abusive partner's family history and there lies the bulk of your issues.  Once you know the truth, make a decision...leave or stay.

When young women and men plan to go to college, they don't think much about intimate relationships.  They are too busy planning for the future, studying, and attending college events.  However, it happens, men and women meet each other, have sex, and then not long after find out they are involved with a control freak boyfriend or a crazy girlfriend with a violent past.  Mom and dad fought, sibilings squabbled, and the lack of money and resources brought their share of challenges to thoe household.  Then off these troubled people, with bad childhood memories, go off to college only to find out that life doesn't get any better when one's eyes aren't completely focused on those textbooks. Men will be men and boys will be boys, so the old adage goes, but this doesn't excuse verbal and physical abuse.  Women have the tendency to talk tough and act rough too and when this happens, their behavior isn't excused either.  The stress of college exams, financial issues a

He is attractive, nice to others, has a good job, dresses neat, and smells good.  However, there is something not quite right with him.  He seems easily irritated, jealous when others come around, and can be a bit annoying.  Sometimes he acts like he is very much into you and other times not so much.  You have a few stories of feeling nervous even scared, but you tell no one.  "They won't understand," you reason.  But isn't the real reason why you don't say anything about how he makes you feel, because you worry they will say, "Don't be stupid, get rid of him!  You can do better!" Welcome to a very real experience of many young women who know that something is wrong with a guy, but because of any number of reasons, they convince themselves that they will be "alright" while comparing their experiences with others, rather than focus on how they personally feel in their relationship. Some women just don't let men go that intimidate th

The victim of verbal and physical abuse will need to be reminded of what a secure and stable-minded woman in a healthy relationship looks like.  She should envision herself the way she was before the verbal insults and violent attacks took place from an abusive partner.  What was she like back then? A woman content with who she is and free of worry about things like: cheating, beatings, lying, and more from a mentally disturbed lover, is a focused individual.  The emotionally stable woman doesn't exhibit many of the following character traits found in her abused sisters such as: nervousness, forgetfulness, frequent mood swings, constant worry, isolation, substance abuse, and an explosive temperament.  When others more beautiful and talented than herself walk into a room, the secure woman with her partner on her side doesn't become immediately downtrodden and worried that her mate is going to try to get a phone number or two.  Two people who sincerely love one another and a

You weren't cautious around your violent boyfriend/partner one night. You slipped up when you drank too much, got angry, or hurled insults during one of your PMS moments.  He didn't forget, abusers never forget!   They wash your face in your ugliness sooner or later, "Look at you...that's why I treat you like I do...you are always f*cking up!"  These abusive men act as if they have never done anything wrong, they attempt to belittle you--make you feel guilty for acting out of control--even if he tempted you to go there!  When in a relationship with a verbal and/or physical abuser, there is no room for slip-ups.  You must tow the line, act like you are perfect.  Operate at 100% most of the time. An angry man, with fluctuating hormones (think low-T or mood disorders) is no different than a woman going through the same things (like perimenopause).  The moody male acts as if he is okay, while the world doesn't suspect that he is really deeply troubled.  "H

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