Self-Righteous Former Victims - shatteredperspectives.com

When you have been out of an abusive relationship for some time, one can be a bit self-righteous.  Some women and men fail to realize that there is a process that many must undergo physically, mentally and dare I say it, spiritually (because there are those who skip over that part and end up right back with someone who is emotionally or physically abusive) before you can break free.  But for those readers who don't understand the depth at which an abusive relationship affects others will compare their own lives, thoughts, opinions, and experiences on what they believe others should do now, not later.

Being that I went through a journey to work on loving someone who didn't love his self, I don't encourage people to stay with their abusers, but what I do is speak with the one who is working hard to make something happen that just isn't meant to be, hence the title, "Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate." 

Sometimes former abused women and men can be like a strict drill sergeant shouting from the rooftops what people should and shouldn't do while failing to remember how long it took them to break free.

Let's not be like the self-righteous who sit back and point the finger and act as if their "aha" moment didn't take much time to arrive at.  There were people, places, and things that had to draw you away over time before you could go from being the one who labored to love an abusive mate to being free of the pain of abuse.

To those who are still hoping/wishing/praying that he or she will change, I encourage you to seek help and plan your exit carefully.

I thought of this topic when I came across http://shatteredperspectives.com and I realize that whether we are in or out of an abusive relationship we can have a perspective on what others are going through that could actually shatter what little self-esteem they have left.  The writer endured much judgment from the church because of her thoughts/decisions regarding the abusive marriage she wanted to rid herself of.

When we read or hear the experiences of others, let us be mindful that we are not acting self-righteous, judgmental or even going so far as to brag about our abusive experiences.  I wrote a blog entry on this site about people who do just that.  And as the writer said on the previously mentioned site, "Abuse is not an option."  But I would like to add, unless you make it one. 

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire