Friday

Is Your Date/Boyfriend/Husband Driving You Crazy? Living with a Psychopath

Most women who meet men are seeking to be loved, respected, and protected.  The last thing they want is a man that is troubled or mentally challenged.  But unfortunately, these men exist and their strange, controlling ways can drive your mind to a place where you don't know whether you are coming or going.  So what might be some early signs that your man is driving you insane?

1.  You obsess over trying to fix things for him in an effort to pick up his mood while putting down your own.

Everyone makes mistakes, but when in a relationship with someone who is mentally troubled, mistakes are unacceptable.  Not only that, when he makes an error, doesn't feel good, or like something, rather than admit his fault, he looks around for others and things to place the blame.  You might help him by doing things to appease him, but even still, his mind is made up to remain angry, bitter, and confused about whatever the issue is.  There is nothing you can do about that, I repeat nothing you can do, but walk away, and preserve your sanity!

2.  You are visibly shaken or nervous every time he rants or complains about something.

Running around the house like a chicken with his head cut off, you work hard to find his car keys, straighten up his stuff, work on his problem, or clean up his messes while he repeatedly talks about his issues.  In the back of your mind, you worry that he might explode on you.  You might even enlist the help of others to appease your crazy man.  Don't wonder why family and friends don't come around!

3.  You are constantly telling the children to:  "Be quiet, sit down, don't do that because your dad this... and your dad that..."

Not only are you often worried about what he will do to you, the household or others, but you are also concerned about what he will do to the children, so much in fact, that you want them to be like statues when he is around.  Acting fearful and worried often, will not only make you crazy, but your children too!

4.  You are embarrassed and nervous when he is around people and things he doesn't like such as: the poor, needy, sick, disabled, uneducated, and animals.

You worry that he may say or do something that will make you feel like you have to smooth things over with different people or tell others to protect their animals.  You act like a public relations specialist with family, friends and others when he comes around telling them things like, "He didn't mean it...you know how he can be...I apologize...I hope you don't hold that against him."

5.  You know his temperament and are aware that he has been physically violent with people, so you walk on eggshells with him and pray that others will do the same.

You don't look forward to going anywhere with him and are worried that if he is in the same room with certain relatives, friends and others that he might go off.  So you try to go above and beyond to put everyone at ease while driving yourself mad if anyone should say or do the wrong thing.  You become overly sensitive and defensive about things that others wouldn't bother to react.

6.  You experience feelings of shame and embarrassment whenever he starts talking about personal experiences using a variety of expletives and worry what might people think of him and you. 

You hope and pray to the point that even God wants you to be quiet with all your ramblings about your partner.  From this man's cursing to his threats, you often wish that when the two of you go visit family and friends that he would just sit down and shut up.

7.  You feel like you have to live up to his expectations of what a wife and mother should be (even if you aren't his wife) rather than learning and growing without the need of his opinion.

Far too concerned about what this man thinks and what you should and shouldn't be doing to fit his image of what a wife and mother should be, you argue with others while defending him--even when he is wrong.

8.  You avoid visiting relatives and making friends; therefore you have no one outside of him to give you mental support.

With no network of support, you talk to yourself often internally/externally, bad habits increase, physical illnesses are frequent and linger, and you might obsess over spiritual people and things.  In time, witnesses will recognize some things about you that aren't right while you will pretend that everything is okay or defend yourself as if someone said the most terrible things to you.

9.  You find yourself reporting your every move and conversations to your mate even when he doesn't ask.

He may have trained you early on through fits of jealousy, anger outbursts or the silent treatment not to talk to the opposite sex.  He doesn't like your friendly connections.  He will object to your talking to relatives about him whether good, bad or otherwise and you will find yourself avoiding any conversation where you or they spoke of him.  He says and does things that intimidate you so that you will not violate his rules.  Most likely, you have taught your children to do the same, "What goes on in this house stays in this house...don't talk about me or your dad."  Is all the sworn secrecy really necessary?

10.  You don't feel good about doing anything apart from him ie.) pursue career goals, take up a hobby, join an organization, improve something in or around your residence, drive, etc. and somehow forgot he was a catalyst in helping you feel this way.

Most people do things that they enjoy with and without their mates--that is a healthy functional relationship, but you talk yourself out of doing things that you enjoy because years of stares, glares, silent treatment, and for some, physical abuse from a partner told you, "He won't like you doing that...so forget it."  Rather than take your disappointments out on your partner, you look outside your relationship and argue with others about things that really don't matter.  Think about this, a bird locked up in a cage will peck at fingers who try to make contact even when those fingers are only trying to help.

11.  You find yourself having to keep conversations and where you go and how long you been there sometimes private.  You hide personal information, because he often unnecessarily comments about what you are or aren't doing, who you know, and your personal interests.

He listens in on what you are saying to others and goes through your personal belongings and letters when you least expect it.  Sometimes he will boldly ask about things you rather keep private.  When you go somewhere he feels like he needs to be a part of the action.  When you buy something, he feels like it is his duty to tell you how much you should spend and where you should shop and on what.  You feel guilty about your feelings concerning him.  At times, you keep secrets and feel bad that no part of your life is yours to enjoy alone.  So you find yourself acting vengeful toward him--doing little things to get back at him.

12.  You feel like his child rather than his mate sometimes.

From driving you wherever you want to go to questioning your whereabouts, you don't feel like a wife or girlfriend, but rather one of his children.  You find yourself rebelling like a teen sometimes having temper tantrums, slamming doors, and running out the house.

13.  You feel bad about yourself or others at times, because he is often being rude, cruel, or saying ugly things about you or them sometimes disguising his negativity with, "I'm just joking, you can't take a joke?"

You avoid wearing certain things, getting your hair done, putting on perfumes, and doing other things because you worry that he might have something mean to say.  You advise others to dress a certain way around him or avoid them altogether.

14.  You only feel your absolute best when he says something nice to you.

When a woman builds her world around a man where the sun rises and goes down based on what he says to her, she has lost her mind and her soul.  We live in an evil world comprised of flawed human beings. To allow anyone to have that much control over how you feel on any given day is enough to drive you mad.  What happens when he dies, will you die with him?  For those who are believers, you know God forbids idol worship.  For some readers, you have made your men idols and God forbids it!  It isn't any wonder you aren't feeling very good about your life these days, look who is governing it!

Don't allow your husband, boyfriend or lover to systematically program you to live in a world of bondage that he has created for himself and any slave who is willing to do what he wills.  When you do this, you drive your mind, body and spirit mad!  One day you will find yourself doing and saying some things that will help you get approved for a visit to a mental asylum.  Take back control of your life!  You owe it to yourself! Keep your sanity if nothing else!

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself and other books.  Check out my Youtube spiritual channel http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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