Thursday

Woman: Are You a Hostage in Your Own Home to Your Man's Desires?

Every time you want to do something different with your life, he has a comment that keeps you from doing what you really want to do.  You take two steps forward, he finds a way to make you take two steps back.  He uses "lack of money for the household" or "not enough time" as excuses to keep you where you are--with him.  He frequently tells you of his so-called work, mental and spiritual challenges to keep you feeling sorry for him. From the looks of things, he seems to be doing well enough financially that he could actually live without you.

You thought that living together would be a benefit to the both of you, but it seems he is the only one who is getting the most benefit out of it.  When you protest about your observations, he finds a way to put you back in your place.  When you cry, he gets you a tissue.  When you go to bed early, he taps you on the shoulder for some sex.  You question, "What have I got myself into?"  Good, sleeping beauty, you are finally awake.

It takes some women a few months, a few years, or a lifetime to figure out that everything they ever done while being with their controlling men was manipulated in some way.  If she thought her thoughts, ideas and lifestyle was all her own, she has another thing coming!  She wanted to go back to school, he found a way to talk her out of it.  She tried to break up with him, he found a way to get her back.  She wanted to move into a house, he told her, "We will stay in this apartment."  She wasn't interested in his hobbies, he found a way to get her to assist.  She wasn't quite ready for children, he insisted that he wasn't using a condom or getting snipped. 

There is compromising and then there is controlling.  If I propose something to you to make our lives better, then I should also be open to your proposal to make our lives better.  Instead, the weak-minded woman will go along just to get along rarely pushing any of her ideas.  She tells herself, "Well , maybe he has a point."  She learns to keep her mouth shut and let the man lead at all times.  Some men have took the biblical passages on submission and ran with them to the point that a woman has no voice in their home!  If she should speak up, then she is like a leaky faucet, he reminds her.  The controlling man even knows how to use the Bible to benefit his desires.

So like a prisoner, she does her time.  The only thing that keeps her semi-sane is her self talk about, "Staying positive...not making him angry...and he is such a good man."  Some of these women pass their dysfunction on to unsuspecting daughters.  "Now just hear him out.  He is just trying to help you.  He is like your dad and you know your dad has always been a good provider."  The broken woman comes out of her corner of the boxing ring, ready to fight again.  Her mother's so-called encouraging talk doesn't suffice.  At some point, the broken woman becomes a strong woman and finds herself looking for a knock-out!

There is a window of escape in every relationship.  Let me write that again, there is a window of escape in every relationship!  Someone out there in cyber-world needs to know that!  You just have to look for the opportunity and take it!  At first, you will not want to.  You will talk yourself into staying with the controlling man for reasons like:  home, children, and money.  However, be forewarned that the longer you stay, the more likely you will either suppress who you are or will keep fighting with him for your freedom.  Neither outcome is good and unfortunately some women lose their freedom or worse their lives for staying past their expiration date to leave!  Don't let it happen to you!

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Amazon.com

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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