Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

You may have experienced the silent treatment. In case you aren't familiar with this type of abuse, it's when a man or woman walks around for days, weeks or even months upset about something and refuses to talk with you about what ails them. Sometimes it sneaks up on you and you don't have a clue what is going on with them. So you ask them repeatedly, "What's wrong?" And they either say, "nothing" or continue to make you feel there is something wrong without telling you what it is. The suspense kills you, eats you up inside and sometimes you feel as if you are walking on egg shells. There are times when you will play over and over in your head the last conversation you had, what you said, what he or she said, and still come up with nothing. Meanwhile, he or she continues to punish you with silence. They refuse to be affectionate. They act as if they want nothing to do with you, and even if they do want something from you, they will get it and then go...

You may have heard a relative, friend or even yourself say, "But I love him..." when someone points out something wrong in your relationship and encourages you to break up with your partner. Usually people who say, "but I love him..." are really saying, "but I don't want to hurt his feelings or mine." You see, people like to put off pain for as long as they can. Sure, the girlfriend may have an abusive partner, and yes she is in plenty enough pain physically, but emotional pain is something different. If you are a mother you know that the physical pain you experience during childbirth is nothing compared to the emotional pain you feel when someone close to you dies. At least with childbirth, you have a chance to catch your breath between contractions, but when someone dies that ache lasts for some their entire lifetime! So when the abused woman says, "But I love him..." she isn't ready to let go, because to let go means that she will...

If you know someone that is being abused or you are a victim yourself, the help out there is enourmous! Rather than looking all over the Internet for credible sources, I have listed a website that has many of them listed in the State of California. You can find your state's information by scrolling to the bottom of the website. Just click the following link: http://www.divorcesource.com/shelters/california.shtml

Domestic violence reared its ugly head when Nicholl McGuire, a young college student met a man ten years older back in 1996. In her first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Nicholl struggles with whether she should stay or leave her abuser in a series of poems that chronicle her hellish nine-month experience. Her roller coaster ride of emotions in the book provide valuable insight on the struggles abused women face when making a decision to help or escape their abusers. “This book isn’t for the woman who has already left the relationship,” Nicholl says. “Instead, it’s for the woman who is contemplating on leaving the relationship and the woman whose still convinced she can help her lover come hell or high water. Readers will be advised, encouraged, and challenged to examine their own relationships through self-analysis questions that appear at the bottom of most pages in the book.” When asked why she wrote this book, Nicholl explains, “I wrote it because I remember feeling alone a...

This has gotten past the point of ridiculous. You are not naive and have always understood that all dating relationships have their ups and downs. That also includes a fair amount of arguing. Everyone is different so there are bound to be occasional conflicts of opinion from time to time. That's how relationships work. But your dating partner has gone off the charts one too many times for you to ignore it anymore. Irritated turns into anger very quickly and then they fly into a rage that at times is out of control. And yes on more than one occasion it has scared the daylights out of you. Afterwards they calm down and apologize profusely (or do they?) and promise you it will never happen again. You've heard that before but it keeps happening and each time it gets a little more severe. For some people in a relationship, they look at this as a challenge to overcome. They decide that they are strong enough to not only take it but give it back in full force if necessary. By standing...

Women who have been victims of dating and domestic violence are the most suceptible to spiritual abuse in my opinion. You see, having gone through dating and domestic violence, I found myself open to anyone who would tell me, "Jesus loves you!" I was eager to return to my roots. I participated in a liquid fast for 40 days and nights to seek God's face under the urging of the Holy Spirit -- I was literally sold out for God! But just as Jesus was tempted at the end of his fast by the devil, so was I. He came to me in the form of false angels inviting me to all sorts of false churches and I accepted every invite. At some point I would end up defending my belief in God with tears in my eyes to a group of people who reminded me of my sin. They treated me as if I was under interrogation down at a police station. So I pose this question to you, are you in labor with an abusive mate called, "Spiritual Abuse"? Is he or she pressuring you with statements like "i...

“Spiritual Abuse”, a catch phrase coined in recent years by Author’s David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen, is as old as organized religion itself. For most, the historical events which best portray spiritual abuse include the Holy Wars, The Inquisition, the persecution of many eastern Europeans at the hands of the Orthodox church. While many would consider spiritual abuse to be a seldom occurring event today, truthfully, it is very prevalent in the Christian Church, including mainline evangelical churches. Spiritual abuse is the misuse of an office or position of power, leadership, lay leadership, or influence to further the wishes or directives of an organization or individual against the will of another party. Spiritual abuse is not always subtle in appearance, and more often, like many other forms of abuse in today’s society, relishes on the secrecy provided by implementing it’s power over another in privacy. Spiritual manipulation, mental manipulation, manipulation of events as wel...