Putting Up with a Fool Makes One a Fool Too - domestic abuse, dating, marriage

I have had the blessing and the curse of having some very straightforward people in my social circles over decades.  The kind of men and women who give you the truth with no chaser.  "Look your boyfriend is ugly...I don't know what you see in him.  Stop dating broke men!  You are better than that..."  Can I say you need bold people like that around you until you are back on your feet again? As you progress, you might want to lose them, because negative people have their share of baggage and after awhile you outgrow them.  Anyway...

Look, I have been transparent for years all around the web and shared my testimony of freedom, peace and increase after coming out of a very bad relationship over a couple decades ago and another mentally draining one soon after that.  I personally want abused men and women to win!  Use their mistakes in life to propel them, but not continue to allow poor decisions to suffocate, bind, and rob them of better lives in the near future.

I have advised visitors to this site to do things like:  pray, visit a church, build up a social network online and offline, gradually emotionally and physically withdraw from an abuser, save money, avoid buying an abuser expensive gifts, contact the domestic abuse hotline, file restraining orders, document abuse, and so much more.  Whether readers took heed or not, for some they did and others not so much.  They are still hanging on to broken people while wishing and waiting for things to be different.

Putting up with a fool unfortunately makes the victim a fool too.  I know that isn't a nice thing to say, but the truth is the truth.  Too often victims look everywhere but within when it comes to answering the question, "Why do you stay?"  They pity people who are in similar situations while ignoring the fact that they aren't doing much better.  They ridicule or falsely assume that others' relationships are quite bad when in reality, they are the ones who are suffering.

Abusers like to redirect their victims' attention on people and things that have little to do with what is really going on in their current relationship, household, etc.  For instance, bad-mouthing exes, scolding children, gossiping about relatives, complaining about jobs, exaggerating daily encounters, and more.  They do these things to keep from victims finding out their lies, cover-ups, secrets, etc.

Controlling people never want their victims to ever examine or find out about things such as:   their personality disorders, mental handicaps, illnesses, and overall dysfunctional ways at home, work, church and elsewhere.  If one should really wake up and see the truth, the abuser will be alone without no one around to listen to his or her angry vents, cries, complaints, and more.

Some of these abusive men and women simply hate themselves.  They wish to be something more then what they are and because they are not that, if one should press the right triggers, you will see just how messed up they really are!

Many controlling men and women live their lives vicariously through partners and children.  Since they didn't make the cut in professional or personal lives in the way that they always wanted, they push everyone around them or break them down depending on how mentally disturbed they really are.  "Do this...do that!  You should really...You will go far, you just need..." a so-called good partner/parent/abuser says.  To the world the abusive one looks supportive, but those who know better, are stressed when around the demanding egoist.

http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

If you don't want to be played by a fool, then you best not act like one!  So many men and women give up sex quickly, money as if they will always have more than enough, their last names, property rights, businesses, and more for fools!  These lonely, desperate and naive victims are swindled into thinking that a manipulator is going to take care of them, love them, and be all things to them when in reality abusers are selfish and opportunists.  They think, "What am I getting out of this relationship? What is he/she going to do for me?" while claiming "we" are going to do this and that.  Many abusive people are sweet-talkers when they first get to know their victims and then in time their many false fronts go away.  In time, you see the devil in an angry man or woman.

With each passing day that one who chooses to stay with a mean-spirited man or woman, loses what little joy deep down within he or she has.  Victims lose their health and beauty in time--faster than most.  Getting over some things takes longer.  A brain isn't as sharp as it once was due to so much stress.  The tension increases between abuser and victim until someone explodes.

So if one doesn't want to be in a foolish relationship any longer then make up in your mind this year that enough is enough!  Don't forget save that income tax refund money, you are going to need it if you are serious about developing your exit plan.

God bless.

Nicholl