What to Do If You Encounter Your Abuser: A Guide for Survivors

Encountering someone who has abused you, whether recently or years ago, can be a deeply unsettling experience. It’s important to approach this situation with care and self-compassion. Here are some practical steps and insights to help you handle such encounters.

1. Prepare Yourself Mentally

Before you find yourself in a situation where you might run into your abuser, take time to mentally prepare. Reflect on your feelings and remind yourself of your strength and resilience. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel anxious or upset about the possibility of an encounter.

2. Have a Plan

Think about how you would like to respond if you see your abuser. Consider the following options:

  • Avoidance: If possible, choose to walk away or steer clear of the situation altogether. Your safety and comfort are paramount.
  • Brief Interaction: If you feel safe and decide to engage, keep the interaction short and focused. You might say something like, “I hope you’re well,” and then move on.
  • Set Boundaries: If they approach you, it’s okay to establish clear boundaries. You can say, “I don’t wish to talk,” and walk away.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Remind yourself that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions in this situation. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without judgment. Experts emphasize the importance of self-compassion in healing from trauma. Miah, a domestic abuse survivor, highlights the significance of encouraging oneself to regain power and happiness after abuse [3].

4. Seek Support

If you anticipate running into your abuser, consider discussing your feelings with a trusted friend or a therapist beforehand. They can provide support and help you process your emotions. Having a support system can make a significant difference in how you handle the encounter [3].

5. Know Your Rights

Understand that you have the right to feel safe and respected. If the encounter escalates or you feel threatened, don’t hesitate to seek help. This could mean contacting authorities or reaching out to a domestic violence hotline for immediate support [3].

6. Reflect on Your Journey

After the encounter, take time to reflect on how it made you feel. Journaling can be a helpful way to process your emotions and reinforce your healing journey. Remember that every step you take towards healing is significant.

7. Engage in Self-Care

Regardless of the outcome of the encounter, prioritize self-care afterward. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, practicing mindfulness, or indulging in a favorite hobby.

In conclusion, running into an abuser can be a challenging experience, but with preparation and self-awareness, you can approach it with strength. Remember that you are not alone, and there are resources available to support you through your healing journey.

Learn more:

  1. How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship - HelpGuide.org
  2. Coercive Control - how to spot it and how to stop it | by StepfordMum | Medium
  3. Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) | Domestic Violence

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