Wednesday

How Many Times Was He Going to Tell Me Sorry?

When I reflect on a time in my life when I was so angry at a man who claimed to have loved me, one thing that stood out most in my mind was his repeated, "I'm sorry...I apologize."  He was sorry alright and so were some of those after him! 

Sorry men with sorry lifestyles wanting me to complete them!  I had grown weary of trying to convince the mentally disturbed that I was being faithful, open, true, dedicated to the relationship, willing to be all things to them--you name it!  And what about me?  How many more apologies was I willing to accept before I ended up in a hospital, jail or six feet deep?

An abuser whether emotionally or physically demeaning is going to apologize, because he knows that it works.  "He/She will forgive me," the abuser tells his or her self.  But a victimized woman or man who is at his or her breaking point, will put one's foot down one day and say, "Not good enough!  My freedom and sanity are far too important to me to keep staying in this miserable relationship!" 

If you know you are dealing with a mentally deranged person, you wouldn't make a grand announcement that you are leaving, but inside your mind, you must take a stance!  "I am not going to keep accepting his/her apologies!  I need to come up with an escape plan."  Then you do it!  Slowly, but surely you get your belongings out of the residence, you stop talking to this person as much, you avoid sleeping with him or her, and you definitely don't go anywhere alone with your abuser.

The realization that a relationship is at a point of no return usually shows up when you can't argue anymore.  You just don't have the energy to yell, snoop through his or her things, set traps, talk about this person to others, etc.  When your mind is no longer thinking about how to keep this man or woman you once loved around, but rather it hopes and prays for this person or you to have the courage to leave, it's over!  No more, "I'm sorry, I love you...let's try again."  Instead, the conversation sounds more like this, "I can't do this...I don't want this...I have to go...this isn't a relationship."  Hearing statements like this in your mind/heart/spirit is a good indication that you are so over laboring to love an abusive mate.  That is until he or she wins you over with yet another, "I'm sorry baby, it won't happen again.  I love you. Let's start over."

Nicholl McGuire author of this blog and other books including When Mothers Cry 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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