He Takes Up All Your Time - Emotionally, Physically and Spiritually
They tried to warn you, but you didn't listen. So in love, you keep spending your money, time, and energy on a man who has a history of using and abusing women. He may not be as mean-spirited as he once was and he might be okay with you going here and there, but something on the inside of you feels an overwhelming need to keep doing for him at energy levels that might eventually put you on your back in a hospital bed somewhere!
When you are upset with him, you have learned how to redirect your anger. You will talk harshly to the children; rather than your husband/boyfriend/partner. You will distract yourself with people and their dramas outside of your home so that you don't have to deal with the two-legged one sleeping next to you. You justify your behavior with "being there for others" and "helping people" while you claim, "My life isn't so bad. At least my man doesn't do this or that...like her's." But let's talk about your man (for some people reading this their man really isn't theirs but that is a separate blog entry). What about your man? The one who has influenced most of your thoughts, actions, and places you visit or don't visit for days, months or even years, but you say he doesn't have that kind of control over me. Really? "I don't go here without him. I don't buy that because he doesn't like to smell it. I don't do that, because he doesn't like it. I don't go there, because he said...I don't hang out with her because he told me...I don't throw that out even if it doesn't work, because he might..." Notice, what a life built around "my man" does to some people? Who are you again? His woman.
You might not be going through something like this in your relationship, but then again maybe you are. Maybe there is a man or woman that is taking up all your time so much in fact your own family and friends believe you are the cup running away with the spoon in this relationship--an empty cup. They are telling you things like, "I remember when you use to do what you liked until he showed up...I recall those days when you looked much happier. You use to spend time with us sometimes, what's going on?" For some of you, you made up excuses. "Well he needs my help. The job has me so busy--I work too much. My PMS issues have been getting the best of me...I think I eat the wrong things maybe that's why I don't feel good." But what about that man who bites off more than he can chew while expecting you to help him with this dilemma and that one? What about that man who keeps telling you he needs something and so you work longer so that you can pay for it? What about that man who is never satisfied with any of the projects he starts so he keeps looking to you to save him money so that he can start another unsatisfying one? But about that man who you told the world is your soul mate when in reality he is nothing more than the devil's mate? WHAT ABOUT THAT MAN?
Men who are controlling and energy-draining don't care too much about the emotional, physical and spiritual upset they cause in their partners' lives. Rather, they encourage her to look at everyone, but them. "It's your mother who keeps you upset! It's the children telling you about their problems. You are feeling bad because of that medicine you take. Those people at work have got you down. Did you think about that friend who likes to dump her problems on you?" Maybe he has a point, but don't lose sight of the challenge he is to live with. What about his arguing, cursing, irresponsiblity, lying, conniving, etc. Don't forget about those times when he was short with you, bitter about something you did or didn't do, and played a few too many mental games on you to the point that you were crying during your quiet moments about him and wishing God would take youu sooner rather than later!
So many women who have spent their lives focused on thinking about men and caring for them, have missed out on youthful, happy moments with self--just being, living freely. Those times when they use to just breathe and not be concerned about anyone coming to them and looking for them to meet their needs. They looked up at a blue sky, played their favorite tunes all day, and just walked around their apartments or homes carefree. Before a man came along, you may have just sat back and thought about, "What can I do for myself without a man?" If you are tired of fighting within about this suffocating, energy-draining man that has come into your life, now is the time to build your life!
Nicholl McGuire
When you are upset with him, you have learned how to redirect your anger. You will talk harshly to the children; rather than your husband/boyfriend/partner. You will distract yourself with people and their dramas outside of your home so that you don't have to deal with the two-legged one sleeping next to you. You justify your behavior with "being there for others" and "helping people" while you claim, "My life isn't so bad. At least my man doesn't do this or that...like her's." But let's talk about your man (for some people reading this their man really isn't theirs but that is a separate blog entry). What about your man? The one who has influenced most of your thoughts, actions, and places you visit or don't visit for days, months or even years, but you say he doesn't have that kind of control over me. Really? "I don't go here without him. I don't buy that because he doesn't like to smell it. I don't do that, because he doesn't like it. I don't go there, because he said...I don't hang out with her because he told me...I don't throw that out even if it doesn't work, because he might..." Notice, what a life built around "my man" does to some people? Who are you again? His woman.
You might not be going through something like this in your relationship, but then again maybe you are. Maybe there is a man or woman that is taking up all your time so much in fact your own family and friends believe you are the cup running away with the spoon in this relationship--an empty cup. They are telling you things like, "I remember when you use to do what you liked until he showed up...I recall those days when you looked much happier. You use to spend time with us sometimes, what's going on?" For some of you, you made up excuses. "Well he needs my help. The job has me so busy--I work too much. My PMS issues have been getting the best of me...I think I eat the wrong things maybe that's why I don't feel good." But what about that man who bites off more than he can chew while expecting you to help him with this dilemma and that one? What about that man who keeps telling you he needs something and so you work longer so that you can pay for it? What about that man who is never satisfied with any of the projects he starts so he keeps looking to you to save him money so that he can start another unsatisfying one? But about that man who you told the world is your soul mate when in reality he is nothing more than the devil's mate? WHAT ABOUT THAT MAN?Men who are controlling and energy-draining don't care too much about the emotional, physical and spiritual upset they cause in their partners' lives. Rather, they encourage her to look at everyone, but them. "It's your mother who keeps you upset! It's the children telling you about their problems. You are feeling bad because of that medicine you take. Those people at work have got you down. Did you think about that friend who likes to dump her problems on you?" Maybe he has a point, but don't lose sight of the challenge he is to live with. What about his arguing, cursing, irresponsiblity, lying, conniving, etc. Don't forget about those times when he was short with you, bitter about something you did or didn't do, and played a few too many mental games on you to the point that you were crying during your quiet moments about him and wishing God would take youu sooner rather than later!
So many women who have spent their lives focused on thinking about men and caring for them, have missed out on youthful, happy moments with self--just being, living freely. Those times when they use to just breathe and not be concerned about anyone coming to them and looking for them to meet their needs. They looked up at a blue sky, played their favorite tunes all day, and just walked around their apartments or homes carefree. Before a man came along, you may have just sat back and thought about, "What can I do for myself without a man?" If you are tired of fighting within about this suffocating, energy-draining man that has come into your life, now is the time to build your life!
Nicholl McGuire
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