Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Every time you want to do something different with your life, he has a comment that keeps you from doing what you really want to do.  You take two steps forward, he finds a way to make you take two steps back.  He uses "lack of money for the household" or "not enough time" as excuses to keep you where you are--with him.  He frequently tells you of his so-called work, mental and spiritual challenges to keep you feeling sorry for him. From the looks of things, he seems to be doing well enough financially that he could actually live without you. You thought that living together would be a benefit to the both of you, but it seems he is the only one who is getting the most benefit out of it.  When you protest about your observations, he finds a way to put you back in your place.  When you cry, he gets you a tissue.  When you go to bed early, he taps you on the shoulder for some sex.  You question, "What have I got myself into?"  Good, sleeping beauty...

What are your boundaries when it comes to relating to your partner?  What will you believe and what won't you?  Questions like this and others are what I ask to those women (and men)  who keep accepting a story from a partner that just doesn't make any sense.  You may be the one in the group who keeps experiencing head and/or stomach upset, because a partner repeatedly tells you one thing and does another.  Then when this partner is confronted with yet another lie, he or she tries to convince you that "you are mistaken" or "don't know what you are talking about." Can I just say that this kind of relationship is mentally draining and will one day lead to someone physically abusing someone.  No one on the face of this earth who has even a little bit of dignity is going to keep on listening to a liar.  He or she will find a way to either distance his or herself from the liar or worse clobber him or her with their fists. The frustration, tears, anger ...

I learned a lot over the years about why I made some of the decisions I made--good, bad or otherwise when it came to my personal and professional lives, but I never saw myself so clearly until I read a book entitled, Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.   If you ever wondered why it seems you care more about others than they do about you then this book may be for you especially if you are in a relationship that is more down these days than up. We have all encountered some couples that we may have wished deep down inside that we could love like they do and we assume that all must be great in their worlds as compared to our own.   However, the truth is they have their challenges just like everyone else, but the difference is they don't allow them to influence things like their core beliefs, self-esteem, family structure, and other things pertinent to maintaining a great relationship with self and others.  They don't concern themselves with every ...

Why You Should Avoid Marriage Some people in this world are simply in love with themselves to the point that they are almost obsessed with their beauty, intelligence, material wealth, and the praise they receive from others. Psychologists have a word for people who are overly conceited, self-absorbed, and believe they are better than others. They describe their attitudes and behaviors as narcissistic. We all possess some of the character traits of a narcissist from time-to-time, but that doesn’t mean we are one. There are those people who have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and expect excessive admiration for what they feel are their exceptional talents, achievements, and other things they do for themselves and others. They are usually very handsome, beautiful people in the public, but at home, behind closed doors, they are far from it. If they feel they are being underappreciated, you will see the haughty, arrogant, jealous side come out. They expect those...

Tips on Handling the Silent Treatment We have all heard about physical abuse where one hurts another by choking, slapping, hitting, and shoving. We also have heard about emotional abuse where one belittles another through name calling, withdrawing from intimacy, forgetting important dates, lying, cheating, etc. Well nonverbal abuse falls under the category of Psychological or Emotional Abuse as well. This type of abuse is defined as anguish, pain and distress through the use of nonverbal acts. For the purpose of this article we will focus only on the nonverbal acts the abuser uses in a relationship. There is no pushing, shoving, belittling, or name-calling. Instead, the abuser uses silence to control, manipulate, frustrate, anger, and confuse. What is interesting about the one who is using the silent treatment, he or she isn’t always aware that they are doing it which makes it even more challenging to draw his or her attention to the problem.   So how do you feel about...

When I first heard the song by Usher, OMG, I admit I really liked the music. It was definitely a great song to get you moving. But when I listened to the lyrical content, I began to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, "Baby let me love you down There's so many ways to love ya Baby I can break ya down There's so many ways to love ya Got me like oh my god, I'm so in love. I found you finally, you make me want to say. Oh,oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh my gosh." Long after I first heard this song, I still heard the lyrics while going about my day. The character in the song was interested in getting a woman to drop her defenses so that she would sleep with him. The song isn't about "loving" her, but having sex with her in "so many ways" that she would be exclaiming, "Oh my God!" in the bedroom. Once the man causes the woman to orgasm, his game is finished. The unsuspecting woman would not o...