Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

An abusive man can't resist stalking, talking or attempting to get near the victim long after the abusive experience. It seems that there is a tugging in his heart to want to make things right with just one more apology. Unfortunately, too many women allow themselves to be lulled in his arms only to be punished some more for walking away in the first place. Don't let it happen to you! You may have said or heard women say, "If he hit me once, that is all it takes--I am outta there!" But the truth is that doesn't always happen. Whether it was a light push, a pull or something else he has done to the woman, she most likely reasons, "Well he was upset and I did push him to his limit a bit." How many times will she rationalize his actions and take the blame? Unsuspecting women are drawn into abusive relationships, because their abusers are good actors. They know just what to say to keep her coming back for more whether more means in the bedroom, in his

You may be in a relationship with someone who just takes work to make happy. He or she acts as if they love you, but do they really? Aside from what we know is just not characteristic of a good relationship (such as hitting, choking, kicking, etc.,) why do we work so hard to make people love us when they obviously don't? You may have tried to uplift his or her spirits with a story or two, and he or she just looked the other way and continued to busy his or her self. You may have tried to buy him or her a gift hoping to put a smile on this ungrateful person's face. No matter what you do in his or her eyes, you are not good enough. This kind of behavior (without the physical beatings) can be emotionally draining. When will good enough, be good enough? How many times must you initiate a conversation, love-making, a place to go, or suggest an idea to make your partner's life better? Are there no other people on the planet that will appreciate you? Of course, there are,

Sometimes we tend to sound the alarm too soon when it comes to someone being abusive. Victims of past abuse know exactly what I am talking about. You start dating again and notice a few similarities with a current mate and a past one. So you jump to conclusions, "He is yelling at me...is he going to hit me like...?" Meanwhile, your defenses are up to either protect yourself from being attacked or you are ready to attack. Your poor partner doesn't know what to expect and assumes you are just crazy. Women who have been hurt physically by others will not hesitate to fight. Say the right trigger words and it's World War III in their homes. This is why you, as the survivor, must learn self-control. You must not assume that the man who is yelling at you will hit you. Otherwise, if you jump the gun, so to speak, you may be the one hauled off to jail. Here are some things you could do when an argument takes place: Refrain from a face-to-face confrontation by allowin

Hello, Thank you so much for stopping by this blog and clicking on the various categories. Back in 2007, I published Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate after over ten years of being out of my abusive relationship. The writings were recorded while laboring to love my abuser. What finally broke us up was the police and the court system. I hope the same thing will NEVER happen to those of you currently in abusive relationships, but if it does, it is the best thing for you if you don't have a plan of escape. The day the officers came, they saved my life! Being in an abusive relationship is like being addicted to a drug--it's difficult to stop being with an abuser without intervention. Feel free to follow me @nichollmcguire. I don't tweet about all things abusive, but I do provide useful information about a little bit of everything. So follow me today! Thanks for your support! Also, you can follow me at @helpforpeople. Nicholl McGuire Blogger

You may be busy with work, meeting your mate's needs, children, and other activities. Every time you have a moment of peace and quiet, an inner voice on the inside says, "You need to rid yourself of this bad relationship." But you don't listen. You think that things will get better. Maybe they have for a day or two maybe even a week or a month, but then you find yourself arguing yet again. Before long, you are hitting or being hit by the person you say you love. There is something wrong, very wrong. Make up in your mind to find peace. Prepare a plan that will release you from unnecessary burdens. Nicholl McGuire Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

It was during my time working in England a few years ago when I first wondered about the jealous-man-syndrome. On the way to my apartment at the end of each day, the sight of men sitting patiently in their cars waiting to pick up their wives or girlfriends at work impressed me. Not until one day when a woman friend said that her man always insisted on picking her up after work on the dot each day. If she needed to go for a drink or anywhere else for that matter, she had to tell him in advance. I realized in retrospect that what I was impressed about as men who were taking good care of their ladies were really not there in the parking space for the best of purposes. It is interesting to note that the biggest problems in the dating scene are the controlling and jealous men who are anxious to seek someone to love and relate with. Yet when they have her, they do subtle things to subject her to a sense of reliance on him, hiding behind the mask of "loving her and want

How to Know Your Mate is Abusive This is the audio version of my article on this site "How to Know Your Mate is Abusive" and is also an excerpt from my book entitled: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate written by Nicholl McGuire. Read More