Is He Abusive When He....

Sometimes we tend to sound the alarm too soon when it comes to someone being abusive. Victims of past abuse know exactly what I am talking about. You start dating again and notice a few similarities with a current mate and a past one. So you jump to conclusions, "He is yelling at me...is he going to hit me like...?" Meanwhile, your defenses are up to either protect yourself from being attacked or you are ready to attack. Your poor partner doesn't know what to expect and assumes you are just crazy.

Women who have been hurt physically by others will not hesitate to fight. Say the right trigger words and it's World War III in their homes. This is why you, as the survivor, must learn self-control. You must not assume that the man who is yelling at you will hit you. Otherwise, if you jump the gun, so to speak, you may be the one hauled off to jail. Here are some things you could do when an argument takes place:
  1. Refrain from a face-to-face confrontation by allowing at least an arm distance of space between you and he.
  2. Communicate your concern about his being "too close to your face" or "I feel uncomfortable when you raise your voice."
  3. Be sure you aren't near anything that you could hurl at him.
  4. Watch his expressions and where his hands are placed.

You can easily determine whether this person is like the man from your past when he:
  1. Proceeds to take his hands to hit and/or choke you, hurt self, or throw something at or near you.
  2. Insults you by calling you names; rather than focus on the topic at hand.
  3. Threatens or intimidates you with his presence or uses an object.
  4. Blocks you from entering or leaving a room for long periods of time.
When you see signs that show repeated aggression, lack of empathy, and other abusive signs, you will need to let this man go and take a break from dating. Sometimes we find people similar to our past, because it is what makes us feel comfortable. Do yourself (and any children) you may have a favor, end the relationship with any man who has been abusive to you. However, if the man you are with is not abusive, then you may need to check yourself. Seek counseling if you find yourself acting like your past abuser.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do You Have Helpful Information and Products for Domestic Violence Victims and Survivors?

Image
 Are you a professional or expert with great information or a service to help those who are victims of domestic violence or survivors looking to get their lives back on track?  If so, we can advertise your product or service on this blog.   Rates for blog posts and ads are reasonable.  This blog is maintained by the generosity of individuals and businesses. Feel free to reach out via the contact form located on the sidebar.  Together, we can help those who stop by this blog in need of assistance!  
Read more

Dealing with Dismissive and Gaslighting Relatives after Abuse

Abuse is never something anyone ever deserves to experience, but unfortunately, it's something that can happen to anyone. And when it does happen, it can be even worse when the people who are supposed to have your back, family, are the ones being gaslighting or dismissive about it. It can be challenging for survivors of abuse to confront such relatives, especially if they’ve done it before or if they feel vulnerable. Abusers and their enablers often minimize past incidences of abuse by pretending it never happened, blaming the victim for it, or making excuses for the abuser's behavior. This attitude only exacerbates the trauma, and it's crucial for survivors to take control of their lives by seeking some closure. In this blog post, we’ll outline some tips on what to say to dismissive and gaslighting relatives and how to let go of toxic family members after ending an abusive relationship. Speak your truth When dealing with dismissive or gaslighting relatives, speak yo...
Read more

Is Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Conceited, Arrogant, Turn People Off?

Why You Should Avoid Marriage Some people in this world are simply in love with themselves to the point that they are almost obsessed with their beauty, intelligence, material wealth, and the praise they receive from others. Psychologists have a word for people who are overly conceited, self-absorbed, and believe they are better than others. They describe their attitudes and behaviors as narcissistic. We all possess some of the character traits of a narcissist from time-to-time, but that doesn’t mean we are one. There are those people who have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and expect excessive admiration for what they feel are their exceptional talents, achievements, and other things they do for themselves and others. They are usually very handsome, beautiful people in the public, but at home, behind closed doors, they are far from it. If they feel they are being underappreciated, you will see the haughty, arrogant, jealous side come out. They expect those...
Read more