Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the frying pan to the fire on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize. I lived systemic abuse; I write about it, I know it from the core of my being. But, I never understood it so thoroughly until I was asked to explain it to someone whose life was altered dramatically by it. What is “systemic abuse?” The word “systemic” is defined as “relating to or referring to the whole organism.” I liken systemic abuse to any systemic disease. It erodes the very elements that sustain the organism. Systemic abuse, as I see it, is the manifestation of abuse by that deemed to protect the abused. The net result: the perpetuation of domestic violence by the very systems that purport to stop it. Survivors of domestic abuse far too often meet systemic abuse face-to-face in their efforts to seek safety from an abusive partner. She can be the defend...

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As women, we have a bad habit of denying the truth that sits right in front of our eyes! When we aren't ready to accept what someone has told us or did to us, we try to ignore the signs. We talk ourselves out of what we see and hear from the man who has rejected us. We blame ourselves. We try to rationalize our man's past erratic behavior. Instead of being in denial, we need to come to terms with the truth that sits right between our eyes. If he says he doesn't love us -- accept it! If he says he doesn't want to live with us -- accept it! We, as women, have this twisted ideology about love. We try to reword what he is telling us to make us feel comfortable. We try to persuade him to change his mind. The reality is he meant what he said and he said what he meant. Now if he deviates from his script, we have to reason that he wants something from us, and unfortunately it usually is a night or two of sex. Then he is back to preaching how he doesn't want to be with you,...

If you haven't experienced any abuse before with your partner, and now within recent years he seems to be verbally or physically abusive, consider this...he may be going through a midlife crisis. Is there really anything that a woman can do to help herself when she is in a situation where she has spent years trying to build a life with him only for him to say one day, "I'm bored...you changed...things are different...I want out!" Maybe there is, click the following link: http://www.enotalone.com/article/4997.html and may God be with you in this challenging time!

Alcohol abuse effects can be far-reaching and devastating. The effects of alcohol abuse not only have consequences for the drinker but those around her or him as well. Alcohol abuse effects can be both psychological and physical. Alcohol consumption causes changes in behavior. The physical effects of alcohol abuse can be experienced with as little as one or two drinks. Impaired judgment and coordination needed to operate a car safely may result in the drinker having an accident. Alcoholism is an illness where alcoholic beverage consumption is at a level that interferes with physical or mental health, and negatively impacts social, family or occupational responsibilities. Alcohol abusers are drinkers that may drink excessively at various times with resulting immediate alcohol abuse effects at the time of excess alcohol consumption. The immediate physical effects of alcohol abuse can be experienced as soon as ten minutes after drinking begins. With continued alcohol consumption on that o...

I think some women converse about injuries such as a black eye, missing teeth, burned body part, or choking experience with other victims as if they are in some kind of dark competition. For example, I hear some try to outdo one another by saying things like, "What he did to you...look at what he did to me..." As if the more abuse you have received at the hands of your abuser, the more so-called experience you are in situations such as these! Give me a break! It's nonsense...the way I see it some women have embraced this twisted concept of "once a victim always a victim, so let me show you how bad he hurt me!" The person who has recovered from the abuse and considers herself no longer a victim, but a survivor, doesn't care about your scars or how many you have as compared to hers, all she is listening for in your story is "so have you learned anything?" Some of these "abuse braggers" I call them, usually haven't learned much of any...

Our society is filled with verbal and emotional abuse, from radio and TV commentators and presidential candidates, to parents, educators, employers and managers. As Patricia Evans states in "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", the old adage, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me," is not at all true. Just as physical abuse is wounding the to body, verbal abuse is deeply wounding to the soul. If you grew up in a verbally and/or emotionally abusive family, you might not realize when you are being abusive and when you are being abused. Behind verbal and emotional abuse is always about a desire to control the other person - to have power over the other's feelings and actions. Verbal abuse includes: • Being Irritable, impatient, and argumentative • Blaming anger, unpredictable anger, hostility, explosiveness, jealousy • Blaming the other for the abuser's behavior • Demanding, ordering • Being critical and judgmental Verbal abuse is al...