Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

It all starts... with a look. An accusation. A threat. Telling you that what you see/feel/hear is incorrect. Looking for others to support them on their lies, they act as if they are something special, a good person. Sharing with family and friends that you are the crazy one, meanwhile they are the ones with the mental illness. Blaming exes, employers, and even their own children for everything that is "wrong, bad." They make excuses for why they do what they do and might even cry and show a bit of empathy. They cover up, lie and isolate victims so that no one will catch wind of the truth. They plan to pay back for pre-conceived wrong-doing, for exposing vulnerabilities, for wanting to get away from them. They come up with clever schemes, pretending to be righteous and honest while lying even to God. They say, "You aren't going anywhere...you need me...I love you...I still want you...I will change." But they don't.... They don't They...

"How do you "Avoid such men as these" when they literally lied to you to get you to fall for them.  They have a "false self" that they present to you...love-bomb you from the start.  You think you hit the jackpot and your life with them will be one of chasing after the Lord together and living for Him.  And after you're hooked (married) they deny any of your needs or dreams or your calling even.  Something as simple as asking for a conversation, his time, a date night, setting goals for your future together is met with "What is wrong with you.  You need help."  So you lower your standards to keep peace and they set the bar higher for what you should be doing for them.  Everything causes narcissistic injury and you find yourself being belittled, demeaned, ignored, denied.  Even your FEELINGS are just wrong, wrong, wrong.  They control and manipulate your time and energies.  It all must be focused on their needs and their interests....