Tuesday

Teen Dating Violence Awareness - Your Children Might Repeat the Pattern They Grew Up with Sooner or Later

Mom curses, Dad lies, and parents push one another beyond their limits.  A teen watches and he or she waits for the day one is in an argument with his or her boyfriend.  The scenario of heated discussion evolving into relationship violence is repeated.  At some point during the conflict between abusive girlfriend and boyfriend, it starts to feel familiar.  Despite the situation being emotionally and physically upsetting, the pair thinks they are justified in behaving irrationally.  A partner might spit, kick, push, punch, yell while calling his or her victim every name he or she can think of.  It isn't love that is occurring, but war with these young victims.  Where did they learn their abusive behaviors?  From parents, guardians, or grandparents who either took too long to end a bad relationship with a partner or with other family members as well as those who  choose to continue to stay while making excuses for their mean-spirited husbands or wives.

Whether the abuse is physical or not, the point is if mom or dad is in a toxic relationship with someone who is controlling, mean, insecure, etc. he or she is teaching children that it's okay to be mistreated.  The person is saying with his or her actions, "This is how you behave when your man/woman is angry with you."  A parent might be quiet and docile attempting to keep the peace by appeasing the angry, verbally abusive partner or the victim responds just as bad, if not worse attacking back.  The elder is teaching a child (or even a grown son or daughter) how to fight in unhealthy ways that will only lead to further emotional damage and future intimacy problems for his or her child.

No amount of sex, money, or fame is worth staying with someone while teaching a teen that "Everything will be alright...you'll see.  I know you saw me lose my cool, we are still okay, Dad and I."  Until the next time and the next.  Would you permit your teen to be disrespected like you?  Would you stand by and let your child's boyfriend or girlfriend abuse something so special that came from you?  If you love your son or daughter, you wouldn't.  Then do something different in your life.  Being a good role model goes beyond looking nice and smelling good, you have to do the kind of things that show you are independent, strong, and empowered.  Being a crying, clingy, and scared woman or man is not the way to go.  Avoid the temptation to shoot the messengers in your life, just do something different!  Don't advise so much with your mouth, your teen is watching for your answers to problems.

Nicholl McGuire a witness to many passive victims tell me growing up, "I'm just keeping the peace."

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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