I was in a relationship with a charming man. I thought he was wonderful at first, but it didn't take long for the abuse to start. The first time he hit me, I was completely shocked. I couldn't believe that the man I loved could be capable of something like that. It wasn't long before the abuse became a regular occurrence. He would cheat on me and then use that as an excuse to hit me or scream at me. I was always unhappy and constantly experienced health related challenges. I didn't feel like being intimate with him, but he didn't care. He only wanted what he could get from me financially, sexually, and emotionally. He took advantage of my generosity and kindness. I eventually left him, but the experience has left me scarred for life.
Does that sound familiar?
However, the last part about “leaving” doesn’t apply to millions of people who are still in abusive relationships. As for the scars, they are like those that appear on the skin, some heal and others remain to be seen.
What will it take for someone to leave a miserable relationship? Putting aside all of the reasons for staying, let’s brainstorm on all of the reasons for letting go.
1. You deserve to be treated with respect.
2. Abuse is never okay.
3. The abuse will only get worse over time.
4. Abusers often apologize and promise not to do it again, but they always do.
5. Leaving will empower you and make you feel stronger.
6. You can't change or fix the abuser - they have to want to change themselves.
7. The abuse is not your fault - you did not cause it, nor are you responsible for it.
8. Children who witness abuse are negatively affected - they need a safe home without violence.
9. You have a right to be safe in your own home.
10. The abuse is likely to continue even after you leave - consider this: many have died by the hands of abusive partners, why give yours that kind of power?
Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult, but it is important to do what is best for you and your safety. If you have children, it is especially important to relocate because you don't want them to see or experience the abuse. Make a safety plan before you move. This includes deciding where you will go and how you will get there. You can also create a code word or signal with your children so they know when to run and get help. If you have pets, it is also important to leave because the abuser may hurt them as well. Make arrangements for them before you go. You can find a friend or family member to take them in, or contact a local animal shelter.
There are a few things you can do to make leaving an abusive relationship easier. First, make a plan. Decide where you will go and how you will get there. If you have children, make sure they are ready and know what to do if things go wrong. Second, gather your belongings. Consider moving them out slowly and storing your most essential valuables elsewhere. You don't want the abuser to be able to take anything from you. Finally, tell someone about the abuse. This can be difficult, but it is important so that they can help you stay safe.
If you are ready to leave an abusive relationship, here are some tips for doing so:
1) Plan what you will say ahead of time. You don't want the abuser to know that you are planning to leave.
2) Make a list of your belongings and take them with you when you leave.
3) Have a safe place to go – somewhere the abuser won't be able to find you.
4) Tell someone about the abuse – a friend, family member, or therapist – so that they can help keep you safe.
5) Get support from organizations like Safe Horizon or The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
It is important to remember that leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, but it is worth it. You deserve to be happy and safe in your own life!
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