Mind Tricks, Mind Games - The Abusive Magician Waves His Wand

"Debonair, easy-going, friendly, charismatic, a pillar of the community, nice, successful, handsome, gorgeous..." these are just some of the words victims use to describe their former abusive partners.  Even after one hears their stories of pain, manipulation, cheating, lies and more, one look at these abusive people, and the listener is captivated with them too.  Abusive, attractive, yet downright evil people have tricks up their sleeves like magicians performing magic acts, they pride themselves on knowing they have led you into believing something once again that is untrue.

What sort of mind game did your manipulator play on you this time?  Was it a made up story about where he really went and who he saw while there?  Maybe it was a false promise that he or she had used for so long to keep your interest.  How about your favorite entertainment or a gift used to distract you to keep you from searching for evidence that you have been fooled yet again?  So a victim goes along with the programming.  He or she convinces his or herself that a partner or spouse wouldn't lie again, wouldn't go back to that place, visit a lover another time, hit, kick, or curse again.  "No, he wouldn't...She would never..."  But the abuser does.  Now what?

Most victims grow weary of the fight and simply settle.  "Boys will be boys," she reasons.  "Well, I did do some things to hurt her, so I guess I deserve this," a husband says.  Children look on in disbelief, "Not another fight, mommy promised.  Daddy said he wouldn't do that again."  Family members are concerned.  A victim says, "It is what it is."  But does it have to be?

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, and She's Crazy.