Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

I was quite lucky. I wasn't abused as a child, so I knew the abuse happening to me as an adult shouldn't have been occurring. Not everyone who suffers from abuse is that lucky. When I left my abusive partner it was the first stage of recovery. My life was a wreck. I had two children, one living with me at the time, little money and very poor health. The road ahead looked bleak. I didn't feel good about myself. I felt depressed. I didn't really like or trust other people anymore and the future was just a scary black hole. During this relationship I allowed myself to be subjected to physical, mental and verbal abuse. But in this article I want to focus on the verbal abuse. What is verbal abuse? Verbal abuse is incessant ridicule, name-calling and mocking. The abuser will often blame you for things that have nothing to do with you and make you feel responsible for their mess in some way. When you talk about things they'll argue and say it's all your fault. After so...

Most often when we read or hear about the sexual abuse of children the stories are about the victimization of young girls. Less often discussed, but still pervasive, are the number of young boys who have also been affected. In the United States, one out of every six young men has been a victim. I am one of them; I was physically and sexually abused as a preteen. But what I want you to know is that I was healed and made whole through Jesus Christ and the same can be true for any boy or man who has walked in my shoes. In this article I will share some of the healing techniques that helped me overcome the residual effects associated with this painful and traumatic experience. Whether a person has been assaulted by a stranger or someone they know like an uncle, stepfather, mother, aunt or family friend, doesn’t really matter. In every case, as with all traumatic situations, the child suffers a threat to his life or body that is so overwhelming that it destroys all normal systems of safety ...

Chemically Imbalanced Men and the Brainwashed Women Who Love Them Some women have been repeatedly forewarned about the man in their life, yet they refuse to listen. What do you think will happen if they continue to stay in a troubled relationship? Here's what you need to share with a friend. Read More

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate : Questions About the Book by Nicholl McGuire Why do women stay with abusers? Why do they write books and talk about their experiences? One woman answers why she wrote her memoir, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. Read More

When I was in an abusive relationship back in 1996, I experienced some of the following things with my mate. It is so sad what we will do for love. I didn't know it at the time that all I was doing was giving him more power over me. He didn't love me anymore or any less. Looking back, he really didn't love himself, so how could he love me? One. We make excuses for his or her behavior. A customer service representative, sales clerk even a friend has witnessed our mate's insane behavior over the littlest of things. So what do we do? We apologize on behalf of our man. We talk about the stress he is under. We expect empathy from everyone because of his past unfortunate circumstances. Two. We lie for him or her. We think that by lying about any problem or situation our partner is experiencing that somehow they will treat us better. If anything, they will take what we did for them and wash our faces with it later. "How can I trust you? You lied to your mother for me!...

If you live with a resentful, angry, or emotional abusive person, you have most likely have already tried marriage counseling or individual psychotherapy. You may have tried sending your partner to some kind of anger-management group. Let me guess your experience: Your personal psychotherapy did not help your relationship, marriage counseling made it worse, your partner's psychotherapy made it still worse, and his anger-management or abuser classes lowered the tone but not the chronic blame of his resentment, anger, or abuse. Fortunately, you can learn something about healing from each one of these failed treatments, which we will examine next, one by one. Why Marriage Counseling Fails By the time most of my clients come to see me, they have already been to at least three marriage counselors, usually with disastrous results. A major reason for their disappointment is that marriage counseling presupposes that both parties have the skill to regulate guilt, shame, and feelings of inad...

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How to Know Your Mate is Abusive This is the audio version of my article on this site "How to Know Your Mate is Abusive" and is also an excerpt from my book entitled: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate written by Nicholl McGuire. Read More

Chemically Imbalanced Men and the Brainwashed Women Who Love Them Some women have been repeatedly forewarned about the man in their life, yet they refuse to listen. What do you think will happen if they continue to stay in a troubled relationship? Here's what you need to share with a friend. Read More