Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

In my previous posting I shared a video of a 30 year abuser and there was much insightful information in that creatively done video.  But the thought came to mind after watching it, "Imagine how the woman felt or women that tried to stick it out with this guy...these ladies who thought that their efforts could change him."  As I've said before on this blog, isn't that what many people think when they enter into new relationships or remain in bad ones?  Ladies and gentlemen: You can't change emotional abusers and physically violent men and women.  They have got to want to change and usually without their enablers and victims by their sides. The newness wears off, the good times don't remain, the promises fall by the way-side, and the pain doesn't stay gone in poor marriages and relationships.  All the issues just linger on.  I remember feeling so frustrated in an emotionally abusive relationship (cheating, lying, arguing, secrets, etc.) to the point th

It starts when children are young, this desire to appease, but what if one's boyfriend asked your daughter, niece, aunt, or even you to do these you are about to read here?   If these requests are strange, abusive or even weird to you, then what do you think someone might be thinking if you are tolerating an abuser?

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate , Poem: Who are You? http://share.myflare.com/vC5n4W

They have signed documents that they really didn't want to.  Stood before family and friends and told lies about their abusers' threats behind closed doors.  Dropped charges against their partners for fear the next episodes of abuse might send them to hospital beds or worse grave yards.  Some have even felt compelled to stay in relationships because they believe their abusive mates might commit suicide if they leave.  Victims who have spent years being trained to react to their abusers' coercion and threats feel like backs are up against walls whenever an issue arises.  The abusers win and they lose.  In many victims' minds, there is no way out.  So when an ill-equipped advisor suggests things like:  "Forgive and forget...Just do what he asks...Don't make a fuss.  If you just listen to her, maybe she won't have to make any threats..." this well-meaning loved one is simply pushing the victim further and further into his or her mess.  Most likely, the i

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