The Wish for the Pain to Stop

Holiday seasons are being utilized for all the wrong reasons when it comes to volatile relationships.  Buy one's abuser as much as he or she can and hopefully no abuse will occur, the girlfriend thinks.  Gather favorite relatives and friends around and maybe a spouse will be on his or her best behavior.  Reach out to travel planners to make an abusive husband's dreams come true.  Oh the victims, what great lengths they will go to appease an abusive partner.

I recall the money, time and energy I spent in relationships with verbally and physically abusive loved ones.  I also remember wishing the pain would stop at least for awhile if only I could make them smile.  Instead of buying love, what I needed to do was address my pain.  The nagging feeling on the inside that a cheater was at it again.  The stomach pains from once again having an emotional outburst with a relative because I exposed one's lies.   The soreness in my bones from fighting an angry fiance.  It took multiple blows to my self-esteem and my body to recognize that I inherited problems that I needed to get rid of.  

We make mistakes that may have followed us for days, weeks, or even years, but those errors in judgment can be dealt with.  However, covering up the pain is not solving the problems buried within.  When we realize that someone isn't into us, doesn't like us, is playing us, or could care less about us, proving one's worth is not what a person should do.  Rather, you should work a plan to disconnect, disassociate and most of all live your life!

All the money that I spent on others could have been better invested, shared with those in need, get out of debt, or used to accomplish my dreams.  I thought as well as others that I was a good person during those times of being used and abused by going above and beyond for selfish people.  But "good" wasn't what accurately described me, it was naive.  Believing that just because a man told me an occasional truth, I reasoned, "I guess things are okay."  If he bought me something in return, "I guess he isn't so bad.  We will get over our problems. I'll just pray."  And we didn't get over anything, our disputes only intensified.  Again and again, wrong choices led to more pain.  I wanted it to stop, but I didn't want to face the part I played in aiding my pain.

You might be that one who believes your relationship isn't so bad.  You may have told yourself, "Well no one is beating me..."  Although you might not be taking any blows yet, you are being beaten down emotionally for every heated argument you have with someone who doesn't fight fair.  You are allowing yourself to go through an emotional web of drama that you don't have to be caught up in.  Yet, so many victims don't ever become survivors because they choose to stay in a web of pain.  They are either almost out of a turbulent relationship or get out only to end up back in the arms of those who use and abuse them yet again.

Nicholl McGuire